Something New

So DH and I had our second consultation with our new RE yesterday afternoon. We had had a new semen analysis done and my AMH level tested, and finally got all the records from our old fertility clinic over to him, so we wanted to review all that and get his opinion.

First of all, he pointed out some errors the old clinic made in our records, basically details in the notes that were inaccurate. We already knew they tend to ignore details, and that's one of the main reasons we left there. So it just solidified our reasoning behind going to a new clinic.

Second, he has diagnosed me with a mild/moderate form of PCOS - one that makes my  O dates a little wonky, but still allows me to O about once a month, and more importantly, that he is convinced is hurting my egg quality and thereby could be causing my miscarriages. So, I've started taking metformin. I'm totally excited about this just because it's something NEW I can do!

Third, he suggested DH get his thyroid levels checked, because hypothyroid can contribute to poor sperm morphology (DH's main fertility challenge). Did you know this? DH has a BMI that rides the fence between overweight and obese, and just now we're finding this out? All he has to do is take a simple blood test, for crying out loud! Anyway, it might turn out that his thyroid is normal, but there you have it.

Finally, DH and I have yet to decide whether or not we are going to do IVF for sure, but now, having seen a Doc who makes some sense, bothers to explain everything and answer questions willingly, even excitedly(!), we are finally having the serious discussions we need to have to reach a decision. These have not been easy convos. There have been tears and arguments, but we are becoming closer through it all. If we do IVF, we will probably plan for the February 28, 2011 monitoring cycle.

Although, I'm still hoping for a spontaneous pregnancy before then, thanks to Metformin. ;-)

~ Jamie,

Comfort and Advice Needed

So I've been delaying writing this post. Unsure when to write it. But I figured y'all could provide some comfort and advice. Especially with how scared and freaked out I am.

See, we finally did it- got our BFP. It was a total shock. As of today I'm 6 weeks 4 days. I already went to my first visit last week- so far everything is normal and my hSG levels are right where they should be.

Yet I am still super scared. I don't want to miscarry and I have yet to really allow myself to be happy and relax. My mom said when she miscarried, it was at 7 weeks. So you can probably understand my trepidation. I'm trying to schedule my first ultrasound the earliest my doctor said- on the 15th. I just have this huge fear that we will go and there won't be a heartbeat.

I probably wouldn't think twice about miscarrying except that it's taken us 2 & 1/2 years to get here and I don't want to let go.

Then I fell off a golfcart this past weekend and was so mad. It was my own doing and to endanger the baby? I can't believe I did that! I cried more over that than the pain- which has been bad.

Anyways, any words of comfort or advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm already a worry wart and I'm even freaked out more than usual. Please just let this stick! I just want a healthy baby and I'm so scared of losing it. I'll be posting more on my personal blog soon. I'm still super nervous about telling the world. Okay, maybe more scared that I'll jinx it by putting it out there. Like I said, I am so super scared! Hope somebody can help here.


- Brittany

Afraid

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that as my time on the Femara is winding down, it means that this really isn't going to happen for me. After this cycle, if I'm not pregnant, I only have one more cycle to try before going to the RE. I don't want to have to make that trip. I don't want to have to call my doctor who I love so much and tell him that it didn't work. I don't want to have to struggle.

My insurance doesn't cover anything past a diagnosis as far as fertility goes. We are not insanely rich, we can't afford to pay for things right now, theres no way we could afford a surgery that's not covered, treatments that aren't covered, medicine that's not covered.

I don't feel like I should have to worry about how I'm going to come up with the money to get pregnant. I guess the insurance companies don't feel like its a necessity. Who are they to decide what we do or do not need in our lives?

I'm afraid that I'm going to be mad at every pregnant girl in the world forever. I'll turn old and bitter. My friends with kids will stop calling me because I'm always so sad. My family will call me the crazy one. I'll have to get like cats, or chinchillas or something.

I'm afraid. And I'm sick of being afraid.

Update From Ana

I have not posted on here in a while. My life went from not much going on and a lot of waiting to very busy.
My DH and I went through our first IVF cycle this past month. We found out Monday that we are pregnant. YAY! A BFP. Also, today is my Birthday. What a great week it has been. Hope all is well with all of you.

Frustrated- Just Frustrated

It's been a while since I've written on here. But as I am needing someplace to go before I go crazy, I'm here.

I'm feeling a bit mad and frustrated because I am so tired of each month getting a BFN. I'm 11DPO and part of me has my hopes up. Cramps each day and over the top sore boobs for the past 11 days is just a little out of the ordinary for me. But I hate that as I get my hopes up, I dash them immediately afterwards. I can't stand to let myself get my hopes up.

I really need to schedule to go see a doctor, maybe even just go to my previous doctor just so I don't have to wait for months on end to become a new patient elsewhere. He was good, just not very aggressive. Which is something I want. Last time I went, almost a year ago, he wanted me to get an HSG and David to get a SA. We haven't had the money to do it since insurance doesn't cover it. So I'm a wimp because I don't want him asking about it. But we'd do it this time because now we've ruled out some possibilities ourselves.

I'm just a frustrated gal with hope brewing that maybe this could be our month.

46 hours and 3 red bulls later.

Well. It all started 8pm Sunday night, my mum hadn't been feeling well all day but at 8 she started getting really wheezy and couldn't breathe properly. Spoke to a GP on the phone who sent an ambulance. It came and we were getting sorted for going to hospital. I thought we were going to the one that is literally 4 mins away by car/ambulance. But no, the paramedics decided they wanted to go to a hospital 40 miles away!! Leaving me with an ill mum and stranded because I don't drive and we have no relatives.

Come 4am, mum is still poorly but stable enough to move to a ward. She was and still is in a lot of pain :(

I left about 10am, I was exhausted, had been up over a day. Took the 2nd bus journey then another bus and finally got home.

I'd just got comfy in bed when the phone rang. Mum was really poorly and was asking for me. I got dressed and went back on another bus and then the 2nd bus again to get there.

When I got there she was really upset. She told me that she thought she was gonna die. My mum is a non practicing Methodist but she even asked for the hospital vicar (a family friend) to come see her.

That had me crazy worried. She's having a lot of problems with her lungs which will hopefully be sorted by wednesday.

For now, you know everything I do.

I want to thank ALL the amazing people on twitter who sent me the most lovely tweets, I was reading them in the ambulance and I read some to mum :) I can't thank you all enough! It really does mean a lot to me when i know there are people who care <3

Very erotic experience.

*warning* this is a funny post but I appreciate it may not be tasteful to some, contains references of strippers and male nudity.


I'm sharing this on my blog and also the happy hour blog because this story is honestly to good to miss!

I'd heard a local bar was doing a ladies night with a drag queen and strippers, I was in! I roped in a friend to go with me.

The drag queen was amazing! He was so funny, he was called Candy Couture and he kissed me!!

Then the first stripper came on! He was dressed up as a gladiator, with the loincloth and everything :D he was dancing and stripping, he got down to his thongs *drools* and grabbed this poor girl,picked her up and started humping her !! That was so funny and oh so kinky lol! Then everything came off!!! He poured baby lotion all over himself and I mean EVERYWHERE. then he was dancing around nude practically in womens faces! He.was.hot.

Then number 2 came on, he was a policeman, did the dancing then stripping, got to his pants, then got a girl from the audience, handcuffed and blindfolded her and rubbed her hands all over him! He was so sexy :D

The number 3 came on as a sailor!!! He was my favourite, so hot !! He did dancing and stripped, then he was dancing with fire with only thongs on! Then he come round to me and poured baby oil in my hands, went back to the stage, took EVERYTHING else off then came back to me !!! I rubbed him ALL over with baby oil, how kinky does it get ?!?! My friend was practically peeing herself! Then he sat on my lap!! I wasnt expecting it lol there was grinding and bum groping involved too!! Honestly, if I had dropped dead I would have died happy! Including a pic of him humping my friend before he got naked ;)






Pic of me and someone I knew from school after it finished, I'm on the left :)





I had an amazing time !! And I did plenty of groping for all my twitter ladies who couldn't be there :P



Posted from my iPod touch.

Update From Ana

Before I give you all a long over due update I have a question. What happened to the background?

Now, onto the update. After a long three month wait my DH and I found out that my FSH level is even higher than it was in May, it went from 30something to 88. So, we are using an egg donor. Which our egg donor is going through IVF too. So, here we are two infertile couples trying to help each other conceive. If you would like to read the whole story please click here and here.

We are well on our way and hopefully we will be pregnant by mid October.

Ana

After all the waiting..

Drum roll please !!!

AF showed up on Friday!!!! I was so happy. I mean happy, I've been waiting so long and worrying my head off. I was having pre-AF symptoms on Thursday so I knew AF was coming. Then on friday she showed up! My periods are never easy and this one is no different, I got AWFUL cramps but I can live with that, I'm just happy that it showed up.

I have an app on my iPod called period tracker and when I opened it to mark my period staring I got this lol






Posted from my iPod touch.

Where is AF !?!?

I'm going bonkers. Bonkers I tell you! I have tried everything to get things 'going', ginger,parsley tea, herbs. All manner of strange things that are supposed to do the job. I got no pre-AF signs. Diddly squat.

This is where I'm at, I use 2 apps on my iPod touch so I've got both pictures :)










Posted from my iPod touch.

Breaking from TTC

Matt and I had a long conversation last night. One of the things we discussed was taking a TTC break. Not because we want to but because emotionally I need it. I have the mind set of let go and let God. Now we aren't going to do any form or birth control so if it happens naturally then great!!! But for now, if it doesn't I have got to focus on getting in better health. I need to get my weight back under control and start mentally andemotionally preparing for the long road to baby. Which I think I am going to name my blog. In the long run, whether I get pregnant now or later, my child will be brought into being through less stress and better health for both of us. I have also decided to go ahead and go to grad school. The way I get the bulk of my schooling done so that when baby does come, I'll be able to devote every minute to him or her!!! If you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to tell me!!! Also I would like to know if anyone else has taken the break and wat they are doing/ did and the benefits!! Thanks sincerely!!!

CD200, waiting and waiting.

Yup, I'm now cycle day 200. My last period was January 13th. No signs of AF turning up anytime soon either. This whole 'sit and wait for it' plan is a pile of crap but I got no choice, so I'm waiting.


Posted from my iPod touch.

Paging Dr. TTC Gals

I really wish I had insurance right now. Not just so we can try to do some baby making and not worry about the money side of things, but I have some issues that I want to talk to a doctor about. But as I don't have one, I'll ask y'all- who have more experience in the TTC world than anybody should have.

First off, I'm not very worried for the moment since I can't do anything about it, but I found some dried blood in my CM this month and it hit me that it's been that way for the past couple months. So I'm worried about it, but nothing I can do right now. Any suggestions would help.

My second thing, which I am much more concerned about namely because it's affecting me right now. I am 6dpo and since Friday I have had horrible cramps. It was my whole pelvic area, now it's where my right ovary is. Tylenol helps for a little while, but the pain won't fully go away. Yesterday it woke me up in the night it was so bad. I hate these. I may just be paging Dr. Google here soon- yes, that extreme. So... Help? Suggestions? Money to go see a doctor?

Been a long time + cycle update

I have a been a bad blogger :( my last post was fathers day !! It's July now so I have no excuses.

Not a lot has really happened. I'm still going to the gym, so that's really good. I haven't lost tons of weight, but I'm going by how I feel more than the scales right now.

The other day I got a letter from the hospital I was referred to saying that the questionnaire you have to fill in to see a bariatric surgeon wasn't done properly, Dr.R was meant to have done this properly. It's not difficult, a child could do it. I was meant to go see her about it but there's no way I'm ever going to her again. So now I'm seeing a new doctor, (I'll call him Dr.S) I'm a bit apprehensive about seeing him because he's a male doctor, I've always had an intense fear of male doctors, no idea why but I have. he looked after my dad when he was dying from cancer so he knows me,hopefully because he knows me it wont be to bad. All I want is this questionnaire filling in properly, if the surgeon won't do anything then that's his choice. Dr.R has nothing to do with it. They also sent me a copy of a letter she sent them that said I was lazy and I had an attitude problem so I didn't deserve their help. That pissed me off. So I'm seeing Dr.S on thursday to try and get this questionnaire thing done.

In other news, I'm now at CD177. Yeah, it's not good. Due to the evil cow Dr.R, I have no choice but to struggle it out. I worry about this a lot. I worry about the risks of cancer and the long term problems that may arise from my unhealthy cycles. I don't see how any doctor can view cycles lasting this long as normal. It's definitely bad. I will try and mention it to new Dr.S and see what he says. If he won't help then I don't know what I'm going to do. They won't refer me to anyone because I'm not TTC and because of my age. I'll just have to see.

Until next time I hope everyone has a great weekend and a special good luck to PCOSchick who is braving niagra falls !


Cara x

Happy Tears Today

I've been crying for the past 20 minutes today, but for once it was happy tears. I have 2 neices and a nephew, Jamie will be 7 in Januaryand he was adopted when he was 3, Jessica will be 4 in December, she was adopted when she was 1, my youngest neice Olivia was taken away from my sister at birth. She was adopted at 6 months old.

Jamie and Jessica were adopted by a young couple. Olivia sadly isn't with the same family because they didn't want a young baby. She's with a different family now. Because of the circumstances surrounding the adoption, we last saw jessica when she was 7 months old. And jamie was 2.

The children were taken off my sister because she's a bad mum, she has severe mental health problems and wasn't looking after them properly, we tried to adopt the children, but with the circumstances we knew that having the kids living with us would be a bad idea, my sister wouldn't have left us alone.

Today the paternal grandfather of the children brought us a picture of them ! They are truly beautiful children and even though seeing the picture makes me miss them, I'm glad we've got it. They are growing up into gorgeous children.

I'll be getting a picture up soon, but I have to be careful because my sister doesn't know we have the picture and I can't risk her finding my blog. I'll be putting it up as a wordless Wednesday later.


Cara x

Who's the most underrated actor?

Vincent Irizarry. *swoon*

Ask me anything

Happy Fathers Day

In Our Hearts

We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.

Happy Fathers day Dad, I just wish that you were here to see the woman I've become. I love you dad.

Cycle Day 162

Just writing a quick post for now. I'm currently on CD162 and counting, I'm going insane and I'm getting pissed off, I know the whole 'lose weight and it will come talk' but that's not quite the point. This is getting seriously unfair now. My last cycle was 69 days and this one has gone double that. Because of my evil old doctor I have ZERO chance of getting any help with this problem.

According to her, women who go on the contraceptive implant or other forms don't have periods, so apparently it's ok that I don't. Unless I'm missing something (which I'm not), I'm on NO form of bc WHATSOEVER. So her theory doesn't really apply to me does it ? No. So that's why I'm stuck with the waiting game of just waiting for it to 'pop up'

I apologise for my craziness but I think I have every right to be angry and pissed off.


Cara x

I've got a couple of scheduled posts coming, but I'll start writing some more tomorrow.

My fitness programme.

Now I'm at a different gym I've got a brand new programme which i'm gonna tell you all about now :)

I do 2.4 miles of cycling.
I do 1.2 miles of walking on the treadmill in 20mins so I walk REALLY fast !
I then do 10 minutes on the cross trainer on the fat burn workout programme.
That's it for cardio but that's pretty good.

Then I do loads of weights !
30 ab crunches.
30 bicep curls.
30 dumbell lifts.
30 chest press exercises.
30 back exercises.
90 seconds on the powerplate doing Squats.
90 seconds on the powerplate doing lunges.
(the powerplate is hard work !)

That's my workout, it's really hard work but I'm hoping it all pays off soon :)


Cara x

Scared to Pee

Okay gals... I'm going crazy!!!!! And I'm hoping by posting this I'll jinx myself into AF coming and I'll know for sure. That's right, she's late. I was to start on Wednesday. This is Friday. I thought I've felt her coming, but nope not yet. I've even put on pads- just in case. (It would be too embarrassing to show an investor, AF come, and have blood all over me. Better to be safe.) I am an emotional wreck. I keep going to the bathroom expecting to see her, but don't. I would be ecstatic if this were IT, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to take a test from fear of seeing a negative. Here is my list of oddities and the HOWEVERs. Help!

1- Absence of acne. Usually my forehead and chest are covered with acne right before I start. I found one pimple today on my cheek. That's all. Got nothing for that.
2- Cramps. I cramped a week to 2 weeks ago and now only have it when my bladder is full or I'm hungry. However, this has happened before. Just not so rare before AF comes.
3- Nose. I am smelling so much again! It hasn't been like this since I got the Clomid completely out of my system. However, it could be my body tricking me- again.
4- Boobs. My boobs started really hurting 2 days ago. Tight bras help thankfully. Hasn't been like this once again since I got the Clomid out of my system. However, it is a PMS symptom.
5- Late. I'm late. I'm never late. Had thick CM on CD 17. So should have ovulated on CD 19. POAS somewhere around there, both lines were the same color so ovulated like the next day I assume. On CD 36 today. Do the math, it's off. However, I was sick so it may have thrown it off. However, I remember reading in Taking Charge of Your Fertility that being sick only throws off your ovulation, not the luteal phase. If I still ovulated around the same time, doesn't that mean I should start at the same time? I am so scared to pee right now. I'm scared I'll see red and I'm scared I won't.
Help? Please?

Cycle Update

I haven't updated in a while so I thought I should do that. I'm on CD 33- supposed to be CD 1. The day still isn't over, so we'll see. Although my cycles are fairly regular, I hate that they are so long. I had strep throat this month, so my cycle's probably all thrown off. I did actually POAS earlier in the month and it appears I actually did ovulate- being sick, stressed, and all. I figured since we haven't gotten pregnant naturally I didn't need to worry when I started taking penicillin and vicodin. But now I'm like- I hope we're okay! Funny thing is that the penicillin said that it would make birth control ineffective. Now we haven't been on BC in forever it seems, so didn't have to worry. But wouldn't that be funny if that's what worked? Penicillin & Vicodin to get pregnant! I'll let you know.

But really, I am trying not to get my hopes up in any way. Yes, I had cramping a week ago and only very very little since then (which I usually cramp way bad a day or 2 before hand). And yes I've had very little acne this cycle. And yes I feel like an emotional wreck. But I'm not thinking about it. Look- I've thought myself up a cramp! See? Not prego. *Maybe the reverse psychology will work...*

On another note- my brother-in-law/sister-in-law who got married in April went off birth control when it made her hormonally crazy and found out they are accidentally pregnant. By the way- nobody steals my crown of hormonally crazy in this family! (I guess we'll see about that with her pregnant...) So that's been a bit of an adjustment. I'm going to try to write about it *very delicately* on my blog. I've got some thoughts, but I just need to present them carefully since my Mother-in-law reads it. But I really do feel that they need to be said- just put in the thoughtful manner it needs. Any suggestions would be great. But check it out when I'm done- I'll tweet it, so keep an eye out.

Brittany

Testing After Recurrent Miscarriage

OK, ladies. I'm posting this for 2 reasons. 1) I know there are several of you that have experience with this testing and may be able to either decipher some of it for me and/or have opinions on what's on it and what's missing, from your experience, and 2) Some of you who haven't had this experience might be curious about it.

I received my lab order today for all the testing the RE wants me to do in an effort to find the cause of my two early miscarriages. The weirdest part to me is that it includes an HSG (hysterosalpingogram), but I have a good one on file from a year and a half ago. Why they want another one is going on my list of questions to ask when I call them next week. (I can't take the tests for 6 weeks from the miscarriage, so I have time.)

Here are the others:

Blood Tests

CBC with differential (automated)
Comprehensive metabolic panel (aka Chem 20 panel)
Prolactin (fasting)
TSH
Antithrombin III Activity
Cardiolipin AB Wireflex to ID titer (aka Anticardiolipin Ab (IgG/IgM)
Factor II activity (prothrombin 20210A mutation)
Factor V (Leiden) Mutation
Fasting Homocysteine level, Plasma
Lupus Anticoagulant Evaluation
Phosphatidylserine antibodies (aka AntiPhosphoSerine Ab (IgG/IgM))
Plasminogen Activator Inhib (PAI-1)
Protein C-Activity
Protein S-Activity

Cervical Cultures
Routine aerobic (I am wondering what this is, because it's so vague-sounding)
Mycoplasma/Ureaplasma

That pretty much covers it. Please, share any thoughts. And thanks. =)

Starting to make this more real...

So I decided that even though I dont have insurance, I am going to start goign to all these visits anyway. I found an OB GYN that hopefully wont tell me Im just fat!! And I found an RE that seems like theyll be great! I am going to make this my year for a baby! I cant wait until Matt and I can finally say hey! We are a family! I need to ask a ? I have always said I wanted more than one child. But after everything I have struggled for, I would settle for one. Is it selfish to give up after one child??


Trying Tiff <3

Second Miscarriage

This is going to be a little long...

So, obviously I've been tweeting about what's been going on with me a ton, but I know not everyone can keep up with everything on there, and since I haven't really posted about it on my own blog yet, I figured I should give an update on here. Two and a half weeks ago, we found out that our baby hadn't grown in the two weeks before, and her heartbeat was gone. So, this was another loss. She was only at about 6.5 weeks of growth in size, and was really not formed properly. I was on progesterone just like last time, even though this was a natural pregnancy. So I stopped the prog. and waited.

Two weeks later, after a litle spotting and some light cramps, nothing was moving along, so I took the misoprostol Rx my doc gave me. That was Friday afternoon. By Sat morning I had passed a lot of tissue, and an ultrasound on Sunday morning confirmed she was gone. The misoprostol was quite a bit more painful than I remember my un-medicated miscarriage in January being. I am still having painful cramps from it here and there, but they go away with 2 advil now, and everything is basically like having my period now. So, the worst of the physical part is over.

We just got the results back from blood testing for chromosomal abnormalities in DH and I, and we're both normal.  I have an order from the RE coming in the mail for about 6 weeks from now to do all the numerous other tests to try and find a cause for my miscarriages. However, based on what she sees as a lack of symptoms, history, or signs at age 34 that I have any of the possible problems, the RE is not confident that we're going to find anything. Basically, I'm too healthy. lol. When the order gets here, I'll tell all y'all what's on it (if I can read it-lol).

So my approach now will be to attack what potential Lifestyle and Environmental Factors I can. (Including losing 15-20 lbs.) I plan on posting all about these in my personal blog, but we'll see if I can get through the wall that has been preventing me from posting there.

Thanks for reading, and for all the support, you guys.

Sorrow and loss.

Today I found out that Courtney one of my friends on Twitter lost her baby today.
I want her to know how sorry I am, her baby grew wings far to soon.

It's not Friday but I found this quote and I thought it would be nice to coinside with this post.

'An angel opened the book of life and wrote down my baby's birth,
Then she whispered as she closed the book, "Too beautiful for earth."

Cara x

RE Appt

Just thought I'd do an update on here.

Despite my husband's low sperm count/morphology, my RE has put me on clomid, due to my late/irregular ovulation.

So, I shall be joining the clomid train with y'all that are on it.

I've taken it for two cycles before and it makes me want to jump off a cliff when AF arrives. That or rip my uterus out and just say "SCREW IT!"

Quick catch up

I can't believe it's been 2 weeks since my last post ! I've written a few but I've either not been able to post them or they have been really miserable. Hopefully good stuff will pop back into my head !

Still no sign of AF, I'm CD139 so getting a bit pissed off with it now !

On Twitter the other day I was saying about the 15yr old girl I know who's getting induced this week because her baby is to small because of cocaine and alcohol. Well the other night when I went out (and got heavily intoxicated!!) I saw her dressed in this weird tutu fancy dress outfit, she was drunk and I mean really drunk. When I see things like this i get upset because people like her don't deserve kids.

Ok rant over, I'm gonna start blogging better and I'm gonna be starting a Topic Of The Week thing where I'm basically talking about a topic of interest :)

I will speak to you all very soon, I promise I will be a better blogger :)


Cara x

:-) hi ladies

Hi Ladies

Thanks so much for the warm welcome. My name is Celeste. I have married to my lovely husband for almost 2 years. We were married on 9/6/08. I have been TTC ever since our wedding night. Feb2010, I went to a fertility specialist who looked at our history and said, “It’s probably bad timing” Little did I know going into my HSG test 2/12/2010, I was finally going to have an answer as to why we were not getting pregnant. MY TUBES WERE BLOCKED. :-(
She said one of my tubes is tangled and the other one is really bad. There’s a small percentage of getting pregnant and if I did get pregnant it would be in my tubes. I started IVF in May, with the BCP and Lupron. When my follicles were getting big and I was a day or two away from my egg retrieval. I OvulatedL. (1-1.5% of people ovulate on lupron) So I will start my second journey of IVF in July. I have found being on twitter, facebook and youtube to be a very therapeutic place for me because you ladies know exactly what I am feeling. Thanks again for the warm welcomeJ
On a side note. You may hear me tweeting or talking about kids. My aunt died 3/15/10 of breast cancer and my husband and I took in her two boy’s ages 7 and 5.

You can also find me:
http://www.youtube.com/viciere (Video Blog)

http://myrandomositythoughts.com/(Online diary)
Be.encouraged@live.com (Facebook name)

Thanks

Just Checking in

Though i have been blogging/twittering for awhile now, I have yet to post on this blog.... I know, I know. Slacker! Well for those of you who do not know me, I am Tiffany, TTC 2.5 years! My husband is fastly approaching 30 and though I am still young, my goal in life was to have 5 children by 25.....uhm not gonna happen as I am 22 with 0! I have been married to Matt since I was 19 and we met when I was 16.  He is 27. Through our journey, the doctor I was seeing said I was too young for a formal diagnosis, that I was just fat! Their answer was birth control to regulate....uhm hello?! Isnt the purpose of bc to prevent pregnancy??!?! I have been having 90+ day cycles since 2008. In 2010, I have had four consecutive cycles since February!! Exciting, yea I know! The first few were 34 day cycles, but the last one was EXACTLY 28 DAYS!! WOOT WOOT! Yes! So things may be working out afterall! Baby dust for all!!

Frustrated

Okay, on CD 12 and getting frustrated. I have been so sick for the past week and through out the first 6 days of my cycle. Migraines (which I never experienced until this week), nausea, exhaustion- I can't even think right. Of course, everybody asks- Are you sure you're not pregnant? Of course I'm not! I did just have my period. But maybe it was something else? Right? I keep wondering, but that would be impossible. Right? The body just doesn't work that way. But I've been having cramps early and horrible nausea- even when the headache isn't really there. I'm probably just sick, but all these questions of "are you sure?" is making me think "maybe my body is just doing something funny, wouldn't be the first time- I mean it does keep me from getting pregnant, what if it's pulling another prank?"

Stupid what if questions. And I don't have the guts to POAS and see a BFN when I'm 98% I'm not pregnant. Oh, I need to add to my list of symptoms- HOT FLASHES! I only got those while on Clomid. But I'm having them bad now. Grrr... Need sanity! Help! Please! Talk me down from my insane ledge!

Breaking News

I DO NOT have Turners Syndrome. The RE then said it must be something autoimmune (does that make since). I am not exactly sure what that means. RE also told me to keep taking the DHEA pills and she would see us in August. Then I called my DH and he said no stop taking the DHEA right now. I asked why he said the back label said not to take them if you have an autoimmune problem. So, I have no idea where we stand right now. I am utterly confused right now. No, turners, which is a big fat YAY. However i don't know if we need a donor egg or what we are doing. DH and I are going to talk when he gets home from work. 

Cycle Check In

Hello All!

I feels so out of the loop as of late, so I thought I would initiate a cycle check in. I know this hasn't been done in a while, just wanted to see where everyone is so we can give support where it is needed. Feel free to post in the comments, if you'd like, where you are in your cycle/journey.

Looking forward to hearing from you all,
Em

To or Not To.(Lengthy)

Well, today my DH and I went to see our RE. The results of the HSG, Ultrasound, and Sonohysterogram were good no problems there. Then we moved onto the blood work results and everything went downhill real fast, like a roller coaster. The RE was looking at everything and kept saying everything was good and normal. Then it happened she said "OH, OH, OH. We are going to have to talk about that". Then kept reading the results. 


She finally came back to why she kept saying "Oh, Oh, Oh". It turns out that my FSH level is 32. I am perimenopausal. That means I have no eggs and so yeah. However the RE did give use a prescription for DHEA which could lower my FSH level and could possible make it low enough where we could try and grow me an egg, I guess.


The RE also told us that I might have something called Turner Syndrome. It is a chromosomal disorder. It means I only have one X or I have two but one X is incomplete. I could also pass it onto my daughter. Which means she could be infertile and/or have a heart problem. Turner can also cause the lining of your aortic valve to be thin. Which means it could break and I could die. I will find out within the next week if I definitely have Turner Syndrome or not.


I will be taking these DHEA pills until we find out. If I do then we will be getting a donor egg, I do not want to pass this on. If not, then we will take these DHEA pills for three months and hope for a period. If I get a period then I get my FSH level checked again and pray for it to be around 15. If no period then donor egg it is.


I suppose on another good point my husbands sperm is awesome. His stats were:

His Sperm Concentration: 39 million per ml

Expected: 20 million per ml

His Motility: 56%

Expected: 50%

His Morphology: Unknown Exact Number But Higher Than 5

Expected: 5%

That is where everything stood at the end of our doc appointment. Our follow up is tentatively scheduled for August 19th, 2010. 

Now, I just need to vent for a minute. I called to tell my sister what the doc said (she is like my mom, I moved in with her when I was like 12). Well, I told her and she kept saying:

 "Why don't you just adopt then"

 "Do you want to chance passing that on" 

"You should look on the bright side" 

"With your personality would you be ok with your DH being blood related to the baby and not you" 

"Everything happens for a reason, etc."

"I know how you feel"

Then to make matters worse her daughter, who is 18yrs old, walked and my sister told her everything. After the update my niece said:

"Well, look on the bright side" 

"You could always adopt"

Grrrr. 

1. I know there is a bright side but seriously just let me cry for a while. 

2. I know I can adopt.

3. No, I don't want to pass infertility onto my daughter. 

4. HELLO I just want to be pregnant.

5. Why do I have to adopt?

6. Why can't you just be supportive of us getting a donor egg?

Ugh that is how I feel in a nut shell to what they said. 

As you can imagine I am overwhelmed with feelings and I crying. Thank goodness for my awesome DH. 

He said we will do whatever I wish. I just want to get through the next two or three days. Next week when we find out if I definitely have Turner Syndrome I will let everyone know. 

Story Time!

Story time! Got a headache yesterday and it's continued on through today. And with that came nausea. Not fun. So I get a call from a roving manager coming to help me out, she was stopping to get food and wanted to see if I wanted anything. I decline and she asks "Are you not eating today?" I let her know I was feeling kinda nauseous so no, I was not. First question is the obvious- "Are you pregnant?" No, duh! But whatever. She doesn't know about our struggles.

So she can only cover for me for a couple of hours and I come up to try to work after resting for a few hours and our 2 maintenance guys are in the office with her. "What's wrong with you? You sick?" Duh again! Told them headache and nausea. "You're pregnant!!!!" No, I'm not. They kept insisting. I kept insisting. Finally I said "We've been trying for 2 years and nothing- I'm not pregnant." They insisted some more with the crap of 'you never know, you have been married for a while'. I then said "No, I just had my period." Poor ignorant people, "you can have 20 periods and be pregnant." No, no you can't. I didn't explain it to them. I didn't have the energy. I went home and rested for a couple more hours and now back for an hour. And hallelujah for that! But really, it was all in humor and I could only laugh at their ignorance...

Hope in a jar

Update From Yesterday

I do not understand people sometimes.

Nakita was very shocked and hurt that I was avoiding her today. She could not believe that what she said could/would/did upset me. She then proceeded to tell me that I was over reacting and over sensitive.

I was so overwhelmed with emotions, both good and bad, that I had to walk away from her. I mean seriously what kind of person doesn't realize that when you really want to be a mom that infertility is a struggle. You are always emotionally strained, you always worry, and you are in an almost never ending waiting game (or so it seems).

I will NEVER be friends with that woman. I can barely sit in a meeting with her. Ugh.

On a brighter note. Tomorrow is DH and my anniversary. Thursday is our appointment with our RE. We will get our test results and we will find out our next step.

Also, you can now comment on my blog.

My Roughest Monday in Long Time

Ok. I suppose I will start at the beginning, I need to provide some back story.

If I am close with you I am usually open with the fact that I have a fertility problem. If not, I usually keep it to myself.

That being said I started working at a new school four months ago. I had told one girl (we will call her Gummie) I work with that I (well we) are going through this and such. I only told Gummie is cause she asked what was going on with me, why all the appointments. Also, Gummie and I have started hanging out socially too. Anyway, moving on.

So, today one of my other female coworkers (we will call her Nakita) asked why I had been out so much last week. Apparently she heard I went home Friday cause I was having severe abdominal pain. I simply told her I had a test done that had some side effects. Then she kept digging and digging. I realized she wasn't going to stop until I told her.

Therefore I told her that I had a fertility problem. Also that my DH and I were seeking the help of a RE. After I told Nakita that she processed to go off on me. So, freaked the F@#$ out. "Why don't you just adopt? Do you know what you are doing to your body? You are going to get cancer. Your baby will be deformed. You could/should adopt. Do you know there are babies waiting to be adopted? What kind of people are you? All these hormones are awful for you. Why IVF? Is all of this even worth it?" And she just kept going on and on and on.

It was awful. I mean I haven't ever had anyone say that to me that before. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or punch her in the face. What is wrong with her? What kind of person says that to someone? I told her that we wanted a baby that was part of us and that we want to adopt in the future. Which is the truth. I also told her that we do not know for a fact that we are going to do IVF. We are going to find out some new news this week. Plus, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs " OF COURSE IT IS WORTH IT". All I want in this world it to be married to my DH forever and have a baby together.

Lastly, Nakita said that if she was infertile she would never do IVF or IUI or take hormones or any of this stuff. At that point I wanted to yell at her "YOU ARE NOT INFERTILE" Also, I mean you cannot (in my opinion) say that if....that you would never..... You cannot say that you would or wouldn't unless you are in the situation yourself. Ugh.

Well, that was it. Thank you for listening.

Hello...I have not dropped off the planet!

Hi folks,
I'm still here...just kind of quiet lately.  I check in and see how everyone is doing, but currently we are on an extended break.  No health issues, just need to relax a bit because I have something else stressful in my life going on at the moment....another test for work.  A huge test for work!  I posted a blog about it this morning.  We're also a little toasted on all this stuff, so we're just hanging out.

Hope all is well and even though you don't see me,
I'm here!

Nikus
www.nikusroad.blogspot.com

Evil Dr.R and me

I'm beginning to really hate my doctor. When I say hate, I mean hate, not dislike, HATE. She is such a cow ! And I will tell you why.

On saturday I had an appintment with her. It was to talk about coming off orlistat and to push her into listening to me about surgery. She weighed me and I lost half a pound but even she agreed me not wanting to eat has done that. So she said about the last option being surgery, I agreed with her and said I'd done my research and I wanted to see a surgeon about a gastric band. Well let's just say she wasn't happy. She lectured me about how she was against it and how just changing my eating habits would work. I wouldn't have been there if eating a salad wouldve made everything dandy ! So eventually she said ok but she was rude ! Saying 'your the patient, it's your perogative' now i understand that everyone has varying opinions but I believe that if you choose to be a doctor then you should understand that you can't always have your own way. So after all the rudeness and slamming the door in my face, I'm finally halfway there, I had a blood test today (which has bruised the heck out of me !) and I get the results on Friday, when we have to fill out a questionnaire that the surgeon will want to see but hopefully after that I won't have to see her again FX.

That's where I'm up to now. I've got a long road ahead but hopefully I'll get there, lose weight and be healthy and happy.

Cycle update: CD123, zero signs of AF or anything for that matter.

P.s I know they're differing opinions on weight loss surgery but I'd appreciate it if people with nasty things to say didn't say them. I welcome all comments as long as they aren't nasty, I'm nor saying no one can say their opinion, if you don't agree then say so, I'm open to constructive comments.


Cara x

Broken- CD1

CD1- The wicked witch in red showed up this evening. Like I said earlier this morning, it's a good thing since I have no insurance at the moment- but I still was hoping. It was a challenge I was willing to take on. So here are my thoughts:

I was once again was so sure it would happen this month. It hadn't happened in the best of circumstances so I figured maybe in the worst it would. I also knew when I was ovulating and unplanned, we BD that day. Now I know all signs of former birth control and Clomid is out of my system. My periods are back to the way they were before I stared birth control those many years ago. So I thought with all that, we were going all natural- not preventing, no ovulation stimulators, nothing- I figured it may just work. And it didn't.

Is all of this making sense? I am relieved because of the insurance, but I also feel broken. If we did everything we were supposed to, why didn't it work?You'd think I'd stop asking these questions after two years. I hate being so sure and it not working.

We've decided that once insurance kicks in we are going to find me a new doctor (know of a good GYN in Phoenix?) get the HSG done, and the SA- where we actually get the results, and then stop there. But we had also decided to just focus on moving back to GA, and that's not happening so maybe we will focus on TTC.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm just feeling a little broken and slightly discouraged and fearful of actually going through those tests. Thanks for the listen ladies. I'm so grateful for each of you!

Help!

Quick vent before I go to work. Was 98% sure that AF was to show up yesterday. Had the cramps and everything and didn't show up. Then realize I'm supposed to start TODAY. Holy crap! Emotions are all over the place now.

I think I'm going to go crazy waiting today. A large part of me really wants to be pregnant. I just really want this and don't know if I can handle AF right now. But then we can't get pregnant right now- we have no insurance for a couple of months.

My emotions feel so fragile right now and want a good cry, then I'll be fine. But I have to go to work. Help! Sanity would be nice please.

-Brittany

Another Newbie

Hi everyone, my name is Jonelle (In The Middle With You) and my husband's name is Michael. We have been TTC for about 6 years. We did treatments for the last two years consisting of 4 cycles of Clomid and 4 cycles of injectable IUIs.

This past August our last cycle with IUI ended in an early miscarriage. We were offered another cycle, but emotionally and financially we were done with treatments. Michael felt it was time to move on to other options of building a family. I was done too, but I needed help to help me move on and mourn our dream children. So I guess I'm part of the "were at one time TTC" club.

We decided that counselling would be a good idea for us to help us greive before we moved on to domestic infant adoption.

Right now, Michael and I haven't decided on an agency yet. Once he is out of school (he is the Academic Dean at a local Bible college) then we will both be able to focus on what we need to do.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of a great community. I hope I can be a source of support to everyone here.

I'm out

Hi ladies,
Just a quick note...I did come out (after Kate did) and it felt great.  The support was awesome and I feel lighter now.  Like infertility isn't a dirty little secret anymore!  As for my cycle, all I know is AF is due on Thursday, or Friday or Saturday.  What can I say, vacation made me relax and I'm not really counting things right now...days, drinks...calories!  YIKES!  But at least it's fun! 

Check out my blog this week for vacation pics and a really great on on Saturday - trust me, you will drool!  Keep quiet Kate...just cause you know, you can't tell!

Niki
www.nikusroad.blogspot.com

Did You "Come Out"?

Hello fabulous ladies:  I just wanted to check in with everyone and see how you are doing.  Where are you in your cycle?  Trying anything new this month?

Also, how was your National Infertility Awareness Week last week... did you "come out"?

And finally... Mother's Day is this weekend.  Fortunately it's also a regular "happy hour" day, if anyone needs to freak... we'll all be here to support you!

Yes, in still alive!

I have been a terrible blogger ! I think my last week was about 10 days ago.

I haven't really blogged because basically I've had nothing to say. Now we all know I'm very vocal in my opinions but whenever I've sat down to write a post the past week, my mind has gone blank.

In the last days, not a lot has happened. When I say boring I mean it, no drama no nothing, it's actually been quite nice not having anything bad happening. The only news I have is that I got a bike :) I got a good one so I can use it regular and hopefully use it to help with weight loss.

So as mentioned I have nothing to say so I'm just gonna write a 'life update' to keep everything up to date for you all.

*life update*

Ok,so I'm still on orlistat, not taking 3 a day coz they make me ill but i'm trying. Doctor still says no go on the treatment front for the pcos, just lose weight. So the goal is to lose loads of weight so I can get some meds soon !!

'thankyou for listening everyone, I appreciate it a lot !'


Cara x

Update

Well, ladies I have good news. I STARTED my period. Yay. 


That means I start my tests next week and get blood drawn tomorrow. Monday, May 3rd I am going to the doc to get the sonohysterogram done. Then on Thursday, May 6th I am getting the hysterosalpingogram. Then on Friday, May 7th I am getting an ultrasound. What a week. Three days where I am only working a half day. 


Nikki Lynne [waiting on baby]: Thank you for the comment. I am wondering what does RE stand for? Sorry I am new here and behind on what the acronyms stand for. Thank you for following. 


Busted Kate: Thank you for the comment. I think it is interesting that the HSG test clears out down there. I hope it helps. I also hope it helps me get pregnant. Thank you for all the information it did not scare me. Your comment was very helpful. Thank you again. 


infertilefollies: O wow. I hope it is not painful for me. It might be, I suppose it is a waiting game. I will definitely remember to keep in mind to ask, what if my tubes are blocked. I will also make sure to take some pain pills before hand. Thank you for the great information and for sharing your experience. 


Thank you all again. 


Lastly, I wanted to share that the radiologist said that the dye is part iodine or something. I am highly allergic to shellfish and some seafood. The radiologist said that I could have the same or worst or no reaction to the dye as I would to shellfish/sea food. However, I told them that I have had the injection dye (needle to the arm kind) for a bone scan test. They said that it is similar to that dye but I could still have a reaction. I am kind of scared. Ahhhhh! Update later. Have a good night. 

Hi Ya'll (Lengthy)

Hello Ladies, 


I suppose I will start by introducing myself to you all. Then I will tell you where my husband and I are at in our TTC process.


I am Ana, I am 23years old. My husband and I have been married since May 2006. I am also a soon to be college graduate (December). Yay!


As far as fertility goes my husband and I have been TTC since late 2006. We started by seeing a endocrinologist. He told us that I have premature ovarian failure. Therefore since then we have done all types of blood work, different combinations of hormone treatments. Recently (within the last eight months), my OBGYN had me get an ultrasound, tahe different combinations of estrogen and progesterone, then we did four treatments of clomid. Nothing has worked and I still do not have a period. I haven't had a period since I was thirteen. Doctors keep  trying different hormone cocktails to try and get me to get a period, I never do. 


So, in February my husband and I decided to go to a fertility center/fertility specialist. We called to make an appointment and the soonest available appointment was April 1st. Happy April Fools Day. We went to that appointment and the doctor told us that their was no evidence to back up my premature ovarian failure diagnosis. So, we have to figure out what is wrong with me. 


On April 2nd I started taking 60mg of estrogen daily for twenty one days. Then on April 16th I started taking provera for ten days. Which I think I accidentally took two pills in one day. But, moving on I have been off the pills since the 24th. I am now waiting to see if I have a period. Well, it has been four days now and nothing. I have to call my doctor tomorrow and let her know I have not gotten my period. Which breaks my heart. 


The next step is to get a physical, give blood and a urine sample. All of those will happen on what should be day three of my period. Then on day seven, eight, nine or ten I will have to get two more tests done. Test one being a  sonohysterogram, which is where fluid is inserted into my uterine cavity to check for any possible lesions. Test two being a hysterosalpingogram, which is an x-ray where my fallopian tubes are checked to make sure they are open. Has anyone ever had these tests done? If so please share your experience with me. 


So, I guess that within the next couple days or so I will be starting this new round of tests. Then on May 13th we go back to the fertility clinic. At that appointment we will find out the results of all the tests and blood work. We will also be given a proper diagnosis. We will finally know what is wrong with me for sure this time. No, mis-diagnosis this time around. After we know what is actually wrong with me we can find out how to conceive. 


I should mention that my husband has no fertility problem. He gave a semen sample a couple weeks ago. The results show he had a high sperm count. 


I suppose that is it for now. Thank you for reading, the support and for letting me join your blog. Sorry my blog is so long. 


Thank you again Ladies. 

Some News...

Hello my wonderful ladies:

I hope you'll forgive me telling you this today.  I wanted to wait to share the news until after Infertility Awareness Week.  But I'm freaking, and I really need your support right now, so I hope you'll forgive my timing.

So, after all my false positive drama (which I'm still convinced it was false), I still hadn't gotten AF.  I took another test last Monday, and it was positive.  HCG came back 261.  I was shocked as hell, but also really happy, especially since it was our 7 year anniversary.  The second blood test was on Wednesday, and it doubled to 521.  Awesome, even better.

So my RE's office is like, ok we'll schedule you for an ultrasound in three weeks.  Ummmm... long time to wait?  Last pregnancy (last year), because I'm at a high risk for miscarriage they were testing me once or twice a week.  I asked for periodic tests this time just for peace of mind--I'll pay for them out of pocket, I didn't care.  I just wanted a heads up if someone was going wrong, so I wouldn't be "surprised" if you know what I mean. 

Things are going on well, but apparently I turn into a hypocondriac when I'm pregnant.  One thing I ALWAYS do when I'm preggo is wake up in the middle of the night to pee.  It's annoying, but I take great comfort in it.  The last couple pregnancies, every time I've slept through the night we've miscarried shortly after. 

Last night, I slept through the night.  I woke up at about 6 am and freaked the F out, because I realized I hadn't gotten up.  Also, my breasts were no longer tender. 

I left a freaked out message on my doctor's answering machine, and then made my husband call after I knew they had been open for 30 minutes but they hadn't called me.  I could practically hear their eyes rolling when they finally called me back.  You know what?  You're a frickin' RE's office!  You deal with women who have repeated miscarriage all the time.  You should be a little more sensitive, even if we are completely crazy.  But they agreed to have me blood test again this morning, and the doc ordered it stat--it should be in by the end of the day.

I know I sound crazy.  And I feel crazy now too, especially since I've got a little breast tenderness back. 

I just don't think I can go through this again. 

Every time I think, "this is it".  But I feel no different this time than any other.  It's not more special or different than the past.  What if I really am just completely broken inside? 

I'm just really scared right now.  I hope to God I'm overreacting.  If its bad news, I will be heartbroken.

Anyways, again I'm so sorry to surprise you with this news.  Obviously I haven't said anything on the blog, or even on Twitter.  In that vein, thank you SO MUCH to the Twitter ladies who met with me in the chat room early this morning.  I REALLY sprung this news on you, but I didn't want to call anyone else because I know no one else will really understand but you all.  So thanks for the talk, I appreciate it. 

I'll come back later today and post the results.  If you need to find me I'll be here for the next 4 to 6 hours, breathing into this paper bag... 

Again, thanks for the support.

PS:  I posted on Twitter but wanted to let you know here too, results came back normal.  I've never been so happy to have been a crazy overreactor in my whole life.  Now just wait for first appointment on May 13.

Checking In: Try Anything New Lately?

Hey ladies, forgive me that this checking in post is WAAAAAAY overdue.  I continue to be in this anti-technology funk, and have woefully neglected this blog.

So I just wanted to say a quick hello.  How is everyone doing?  Anyone trying anything new this month?  Would you recommend it?

This month I did two new things, the OV Watch and the Fertile Focus microscope.  I liked both of them and will use them again.  How about you?

Unhappy Anniversary

Well today marks the 100th day in my cycle (CD100), i'm not gonna go into it all now but basically doctor still won't give me treatment for PCOS, not a thing. She says there's no need which I disagree with but that's for another post, but for now this is my very unhappy anniversary. Before I go, I was wondering whether anyone knew any natural ways to try and bring on AF, no point waiting around for my doctor to sort it out !


Cara x

Wordful Friday

I was busy with my mum and birthday over Friday and Saturday so I'm posting my wordful Friday today :) sorry it's late !

“May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.”

Putting the DIE Back in Diet

Hey there Bleeps!

First off, thanks to everyone who participated in the Blog Hop from this weekend! The weekend got away from me, and I’m sorry if I didn’t make it over to your blog in time. I WILL be making my way through the list and saying WHAZZUP to all these awesome peeps.

Speaking of peeps, how was your Easter weekend? BTW, a happy belated Passover to all my Jewish friends!

Though my day was filled with family and good food, it wasn’t totally perfect for me. Why? Because Easter, among all that mushy religious stuff, is also a God-given blessed day to gorge yourself on chocolate rabbits, Reese’s mini-cups, and marshmallow chicks. Of course it’s God-endorsed gorging, haven’t you seen the picture with Jesus eating a Peep?

Chocolate and Nana’s cooking is always a recipe for total bliss for me, yet I am unfulfilled. Because I’m on a diet.

Blah. I hate that word. DIET. I’m certain it isn’t a coincidence that it begins with the word D-I-E.

While I’m not a bad or voluminous eater, I certainly have some weight to lose. It’s frustrating to me that I don’t eat much more or worse than other, more skinny folks, but yet my body is apparently operating under the pretense that we are about to go into a long winter, in Siberia, without any rations to sustain us whatsoever.

I think I shared in the past that Dr. H (my fertility doc) explained my body type as the kind that, should my oxen keel over and die in mid-field plowing, I could just pick up the yolk and finish the job myself. Great. Just awesome. A very convenient condition for the 1800s (pre-McDonalds) where a strong back and slow metabolism equaled a long life. Not so good right now.

On top of that, I’ve got that pesky PCOS. Ah, PCOS… where I can diet and exercise and still weigh 5000 lbs. Yeah, that's the one.

So, I'm doing some combination of a low-carb Weightwatchers... wish me luck.

How was your weekend?

Quick rant

Yes I'm tired and not thinking straight and probably blowing this out of proportion. But I need to rant for a second and y'all will understand.

After two years of working with one of my best friends and manager she left beginning of March. So I got a new manager two weeks later. This week my property got sold so essentially I'm working my old job for a new company. So naturally with all these new changes I've become very stressed and tired and my GERD acts up when stressed, so I'm nauseous. That's the background of the story I'm about to tell.

So my new manager sits me down and wants to talk about how unhappy I seem to be and how much I don't seem to like her. I'm PMSy and start crying and after telling her what she said earlier that pissed me off, I went on about how emotional and hormonal I am. How sick I've been feeling and how tired I am. And that's why I'm stressed. Naturally the prego question comes up. I tell her probably not. After two+ years I don't think the odds are in my favor. She tells me to go buy a pregnancy test and take it. I told her I have two at home(like the freak I am- always keeping PT on hand). Because she's A LOT like my dad and knowing there's no way she'll take no for an answer I walk the 30 seconds home to take the test. Naturally it's a BFN, but I'm not surprised. After all, every good infertile knows afternoon pee isn't as good as morning pee. And that testing 5 days before AF comes, like the box says, will not result in a BFP either. Before I left to test I warned her I may come in bawling. She says I can't be sad if it's a BFN.

So I wasn't. But man! I wish others who didn't have to try so hard realized the emotional (and financial) toll POAS has on someone trying for 2+ years. I mean, I just threw out 6- yes 6- empty pregnancy test boxes. Think of all the money I couldve saved there! All those tears that were shed over BFNs. I'm hoping she is less like my father and keeps her opinion about us TTC to herself. Otherwise I may consider looking for another job. And yes, I realize it's my own darn fault for letting her pressure me into POAS, but after having a sit down of "why don't you like me?" a distraction, like POAS is good. But really, you think I'd tell her first when it's a BFP but not my husband? Crazy! What a day!

-Brittany

Quick CD Update

Okay, so I've been really bad about blogging/twittering/facebooking lately so quick update. Still haven't gotten DH's results back, but he did get denied for the testing. I ovulated this month, but really late in the cycle. Like CD 20. So I'm supposed to start the day we leave for Florida next week. That'll make a fun trip! I'll probably test right before hand to make sure, although my cramps are starting to hit so I think I know the answer. Also a slight downer, my property was sold so as of today I'm starting with a new company and my insurance will lapse for two months before I can get it. Hope they don't try telling me I can't get pregnant before a certain time period.
So now to the fingers crossed update. Like I said, I did ovulate, or so my cervical mucus told me. For the past week I've been having stomach issues and been really really tired. That could be from the stress of a new job, but I can hope right? So fingers are crossed. Hope all are doing well!

-Brittany

My wordful Friday :)

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. - Unknown.

Are you in the mood for something taboo to read 'bout?

I just posted a new post on the new joint Blog that Plaidy and I are writing together, The Spotty Sisters.  

In an attempt to feel better about a situation that I am going through right now, I'm shouting out to all of you, my fellow TTC ladies.

Come, read, please let me know if you can relate - and hopefully with your help I can overcome this GIANT obstacle that D and I are facing.  It's getting progressively  worse as time goes on, so I really want to get a hold of it now before it's completely out of control. 

Thank you! <3

Wordless Wednesday

Cara x

CD Update & DH results

Okay, I hope you don't mind this long. But I've been meaning to write, and I'm doing this from my phone almost full time now and it's happened before where I thought I was posting here and not my normal blog, but it posted to the normal blog. And I am pretty sure my family, no matter how much they love me, doesn't want to hear about the color of my CM. Let's just hope that my phone doesn't post this on my normal blog tonight because I may cross the line into TMI tonight.

So first: DH was signed up to join a drug trial. It was to see if a normal dose of whatever it was would harm sperm at all. (Earlier tests showed it would when given 4xs the highest prescribed dose) To qualify for it he did a whole bunch of tests and blood work. Two of which were seman analysis. We got word this week that he didn't qualify and the only thing that was up in the air to us was his seman count. We don't have the results yet- I'm hoping it was something else so that we don't have to worry about that too. So I'll let you know the official diagnosis when I have it.

As for me, I'm CD 16 and about to begin the TWW. I wasn't really sure I ovulated last month as I kept having those sharp pelvic pains that I thought indicated ovulation, but they happened constantly, not just the once or even twice. Plus, no CM signs that tell me for sure. But last night after BD, as I cleaned myself up, there was more than the normal mess- there was the clumpy egg white like CM. Same for today too. Heck, as I used the bathroom in the middle night- not awake at all, I could tell what was there. Yes, I can check my CM in my sleep. (I feel like a super hero! My super power being able to check CM in any state of mind!) And trust me, it wasn't the normal stuff after BD- it was more. I am so excited that I am ovulating on my own! Clomid out of my system and I have CM. What's really amazing is that the past three weeks have been very stressful and this happens. It gives me hope and makes me realize miracles do happen. Even if they're as small as having clumpy CM and possibly ovulating when very stressed.

-Brittany (brittia23)

Opps :(

Sorry I messed up I got my blog and this blog messed up :( I am sooooooo sorry! But in case you didn't see I got my BFP Friday the 12th!!!!! We are soooo super excited!!! Baby Dust everyone!!!!

Update - CD 29

Yup, I'm late.  But the test says negative.  Now what? 

Meeting with Dr. H on Friday and supposed to get blood work done on CD 2 or 3, but kinda hard when AF hasn't shown up.  Plus need to have it done by Thursday.  Now I realize that AF could show today or tomorrow, but I have no cramps, no sore boobs, nada!  So WTF? 

Advice?

My body is a witch.

Here I was, all geared up and ready to go. I had my CBE to chart my ovulation, I had my calendar in which I was keeping track of my cycle, I had Preseed, I had it all.

Well, everything that is, except an egg.

Yeah that's right, my stupid body decided not to ovulate this month. I woke up yesterday with some tender ladies and a pissed off attitude. I've seriously been peeing on a stick for almost two weeks (and approximately 8 of those days were on the second bar so I thought I was getting close).

Now unless I magically missed this day, according to my OPK I did not ever reach the top bar, thus signifying to me that I didn't ovulate.

I'm annoyed with this, yet at the same time I'm also kind of excited (if this even makes any sense). I have my doctor's appointment on Thursday, and this is a vital piece of information he needs to know. He also needs to know that last month my cycle was 41 days and this month I'm on CD 22 and I already have AF symptoms. There is obviously something wrong.

I deeply suspect PCOS but I'm afraid he may not agree with me. I've had bloodwork done in the past, which has been normal. I've also had an abdominal ultrasound that's come back normal. I have no idea how this is possible because obviously I'm NOT normal (in more ways than one).

This month was definitely not for lack of trying. My mind was trying, my body apparently wasn't on the same page.

Question

Hi all,
This week I created a "fertility binder" of sorts for myself and Busted Kate suggested that I market it on Etsy.  Now mine is really just a binder with some organization for all our test results and bills and things of that nature, but I have already thought of a couple things to add to it and spice it up a bit.  So my question to you is:  What would you like to see in it?  (If you were looking for something to keep track of all your fertility stuff in an organized manner, what would be important to you?)

I'm thinking of putting some calendar sheets in there for whatever you want to record (BBT, meds, procedure days, etc) and my binder covers several years. 

I'm very excited to hear your thoughts and ideas.  I am not planning on having a lot of information in it as far as medical fact, maybe just happy thoughts and personal experiences.  It's mostly for organizing the mass of stuff we get through this process hopefully with some style and positivity involved.

Thanks much!
Niki

Update - take 2

Hello again...I know I just updated, but well, things have changed.  After discussion with DH about how to proceed in this process, we both agreed we need to visit Dr. H again to discuss what the next steps are and how much they will set us back.  It also occurred to me that I haven't had blood work done since 2008 and maybe things have changed!  So set up the appt to talk to Dr. H with DH next Friday and have blood work done next week when AF shows up.  Who knows the outcome, but at least we may have a plan.

When I pulled out the stack of infertility paperwork, it also occurred to me that I can't make heads or tails of it and it needs some order to it.  So I am off to the office store for some organizing...it calms me (which could explain why this whole situation makes me crazy...it is so unorganized).  Anyway, that's our news.  Will update after our chat with Dr. H.

Happy Tuesday folks!

Niki

Update

No exciting news on the home front yet...on CD 21 and nothing crazy going on.  I have started the Circle and Bloom series and really love it.  I listen right before bed and it really relaxes me.  Highly recommend it!

Discussed when we start up again with Dr. H last night with DH and decided we need a sit down with him to see where we go from here.  Will hopefully set that up today.  DH doesn't have a lot of faith in the IUI because the last 3 didn't take, and the next ones will be double the cost with the added drugs.  So need to meet with doc and determine a game plan.

That's all I got.  ;)  Happy Tuesday folks!

An Introduction and a Little Optimism

Hello, sister and brother TTCers.  This is my first post on TTC Happy Hour, so I feel a little awkward....and I thought a little introduction would be in order.  My name is Jamie, and I go by The Womb Warrior.  I'm a home manager, part-time solo business attorney, Sacramento budget events Examiner, volunteer, Greek Orthodox Christian, liberal Californian, and many other things.  I'm turning 34 in three weeks, and every once in awhile, I'm a little baffled as to how I got here.  I always thought I'd have at least two kids before I was 35.  DH and I got married at 30 and started TTC at 31.  We have moderate male factor infertility.  Of the six or so SA's DH has had, they all have low morphology, and the overall count and motility vascillate between normal and abnormal - but more often abnormal.  I started charting at the very beginning, but after almost two years of charting and having consistent ovulatory cycles, I stopped charting temps to relieve the stress. We had two IUIs last August and October, and actually got pregnant on the October IUI.  I miscarried on January 4th - it was a missed miscarriage diagnosed on December 28, but delayed because of the prog/est supp. I was on from the IUI cycle.

So, AF just showed up today, for the second time since the miscarriage.  After the m/c, we prevented for the five weeks before AF showed up.  We pretty much "relaxed" and ignored everything this last cycle.  This March cycle, we're just making sure we time BD during the fertile window.  If we still need to, we are planning on an IUI in April.

So now for some optimism: I started reading "The Secret," and watched the documentary movie with my mom today.  It talked about reframing your thoughts and feelings about what is going on in your life to the positive, so I'm working on this.  I'm imaging having the children I want in my life and in my home, instead of being afraid that they'll never come.  One of the things I'm going to do is to go ahead and complete the transformation of our guest room into a nursery!  I know, it seems (and feels) like such a big emotional risk.  But you know, I've been low. I've been knocked down. So what!  I know God, or the universe, or whatever you want to call It, isn't going to give me more than I can handle, so I'm going to imagine, and live for, the best that can be!  DH got a $75 gift card to Pottery Barn for being at his company for 10 years, and we're taking it and buying the diaper changing topper that we want to go on the dresser, and Mom and I are going to go pick out a crib! 

You might think I'm nuts, but the decision to think of my situation this way feels SO GOOD!  And my happiness is rubbing off on DH - I don't remember the last time we were enjoying each other's company and our lives so much.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, there is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path!

CD 2- I hate AF

This week has been so incredibally hard!Lots of crap happening. And to top it off, AF showed up last night. While at Cheesecake Factory. With friends. I had to have one friend go get my purse while I stayed locked up in the bathroom. It's made me a bit cranky. Plus I thought my husband was getting his test results yesterday- nope! Next week! Argh!!!! I think I am losing it.... I was hoping to have the results so we can figure out whether I should go back on Clomid or not by the time I did start. I'd like to be regular again. That was nice. Just hated the mood swings and hot flashes. So I guess we'll wait to get his results then decide for next month. Until then I'll deal with this awful PMS and cramps that make me want to stay in bed for the week.

All those dreams of being able to share the happy news with family next month in person with the family- gone. Crap! Crap it all! I'm going to go pout into my vanilla Dr. Pepper....

Brittany

Going it alone ?

I have no desire to ever get married, I've realised there's more to life than marriage, I don't see the point in having a peice of paper to committed someone, shouldn't you be comitted anyway ??
Of course I want a long term relationship with a decent man but I don't want to get married.

Back to the point, I know a few single mothers on Twitter and in real life, they fo amazing jobs by themselves being mum and dad. most people see singles mums as a bad thing or not as capable because there isn't a father around.I disagree, I think that a mum can be both parents, provide support love and care for a child. This got me thinking, I'd happily be a single mum and i'd actually like to be, this sounds crazy but I'm happy on my own, and if I did have a child by myself that wouldn't mean I don't a long term boyfriend, I'd still want that but I want to be a mother more. I don't mean this minute but in a couple of years if I'm still by myself, then I'd seriously consider finding a sperm donor and become a single mother.

Cara x

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Caraax3

Hi My Name Is Melissa And I Struggle With Secondary Infertility

Hello! Let me introduce myself...
My name is Melissa but I also go by Mel. I'm new to your wonderful group of TTC ladies. I blog at Simply Mel. I'm 31, been married for 8 and 1/2 years and I live in Massachusetts. I grew up in Brazil as a missionarie's kid. I'm a Christian. And I have two beautiful daughters ages 4 and 2.

Yes, I already have two children.

So, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here! I struggle from secondary infertility. But at one time I struggled with trying to conceive my first. It took me 22 months to get pregnant with my first daughter. I thought it was never going to happen. I cried. I had tests done. And.....?

Nothing. There was nothing wrong with me. And my husband? I supported his decision to not get tested. I understood his hesitation and embarrassment over that whole procedure. So we waited. And prayed. And waited. And begged. All the while feeling that feeling that you all know so well- that every woman you know is getting pregnant except for you. Finally my miracle happened and my daughter Katelyn was conceived. It was a truly joyous occasion, made even more sweet by the struggle. I swore I would never go on the pill again. Then, when Katelyn was 13 months I got pregnant with my second daughter, Madelyn. It seemed to happen so easily. I thought that surely the first struggle had been a fluke. I had been "trying" too hard. Stressing too much over it. I thought my conceiving issues were over. Since I've always wanted four children we started trying to conceive when Madelyn was 11 months old. Several months after that my sister and two cousins announced they were pregnant and due in the summer of 2009. I smiled to myself and thought " Oh, how fun! We'll all have babies together!". A few months after that several more friends announced they were pregnant. I thought- "Hmm..I'd better get on the ball and whip out that ovulation predictor kit.". Several more months went by and my sister and cousins had their babies. I still wasn't pregnant. Then my friends went on to have their babies.

And I still wasn't pregnant.

Now almost 20 months later a new round of friends are announcing pregnancies and having babies. In fact, one of my friends announced their joyous news today on Facebook! Number 3 for her!
Aaahh...Facebook.... the kryptonite of TTC and women struggling with fertility issues!


Back to my secondary infertility.

Secondary infertility is the inability to get pregnant the second or more times after successfully conceiving the first time. I didn't even know that term existed until recently. It's also more common that you'd think. Sometimes the inability to conceive the second or third time around is for the same reason that primary infertility couples suffer. Sometimes it's not. Many women who struggle with SI also struggle with guilt. Guilt about wanting more children. Guilt with feeling the number of children they have is not enough. Guilt over complaining about their struggle when there are so many women struggling to conceive their first. I have plenty of guilt to go around.
I've been told many times that I should be thankful for the children I have (which I am. Very much so.) and that at least I have children (I understand that sentiment!). When I was TTC for the first time a "friend" actually told me I should stop talking and crying about it at Bible study because there were women there who were single and longing for a husband and at least I had that! (We're not friends anymore...).

The struggle to conceive is a very personal, very emotional and very hard struggle. My desire to have more children is not less valid because I already have children. Opening up about TTC is a very humbling thing to do. It puts us in a very vulnerable position. After all, we're women. Our bodies were designed to be fertile and produce babies and when our body doesn't comply we feel as if it has betrayed us. I recently opened up on my blog for the first time about struggling to get pregnant with my third. Not even my mom knew. We all thought that whole thing was part of the past. Then I put it out there. I felt good but I also felt like I was exposing a raw wound. It also became the elephant in the room. I started getting "the look" from others when someone announced they were pregnant. Since I wrote about my struggle to conceive this time around countless women have announced they were pregnant. And every time someone announces they're pregnant or gives birth I get my period. No... really!!!!

My blog now has a TTC/Fertility category and a "Secondary Infertility" category. I've started reading more blogs (like this one) trying to connect with women who are struggling with TTC. I blog mainly about life but I also want to include more about my struggle. I don't know where I'm going from here. I've had blood work done and everything is ok. Aunt Flo comes like clock work every month. I've never had problems in that area. I had a vaginal ultrasound (Wandy!-lol) a few months ago and they found a cyst on my right ovary. I hear it's pretty common and my nurse practitioner wants me to come back after two cycles (which is now) to see if it went away on it's own. Other than that, there's nothing wrong with me as far as we can tell. So I'll keep on keeping on. Trying to not make that the main focus of my days. Enjoying the abundant blessings God has already given me. And I'll keep praying and asking God to provide me with another child and having faith that He knows what He's doing!


My heart aches and my heart breaks for you ladies struggling to conceive the first time. I will keep you all in my prayers and pray the Lord blesses you with that miracle baby like He did for me.


Thank you for taking the time to read my story and putting up with my long post. It's great to be here.


Melissa @ Simply Mel