An Introduction and a Little Optimism

Hello, sister and brother TTCers.  This is my first post on TTC Happy Hour, so I feel a little awkward....and I thought a little introduction would be in order.  My name is Jamie, and I go by The Womb Warrior.  I'm a home manager, part-time solo business attorney, Sacramento budget events Examiner, volunteer, Greek Orthodox Christian, liberal Californian, and many other things.  I'm turning 34 in three weeks, and every once in awhile, I'm a little baffled as to how I got here.  I always thought I'd have at least two kids before I was 35.  DH and I got married at 30 and started TTC at 31.  We have moderate male factor infertility.  Of the six or so SA's DH has had, they all have low morphology, and the overall count and motility vascillate between normal and abnormal - but more often abnormal.  I started charting at the very beginning, but after almost two years of charting and having consistent ovulatory cycles, I stopped charting temps to relieve the stress. We had two IUIs last August and October, and actually got pregnant on the October IUI.  I miscarried on January 4th - it was a missed miscarriage diagnosed on December 28, but delayed because of the prog/est supp. I was on from the IUI cycle.

So, AF just showed up today, for the second time since the miscarriage.  After the m/c, we prevented for the five weeks before AF showed up.  We pretty much "relaxed" and ignored everything this last cycle.  This March cycle, we're just making sure we time BD during the fertile window.  If we still need to, we are planning on an IUI in April.

So now for some optimism: I started reading "The Secret," and watched the documentary movie with my mom today.  It talked about reframing your thoughts and feelings about what is going on in your life to the positive, so I'm working on this.  I'm imaging having the children I want in my life and in my home, instead of being afraid that they'll never come.  One of the things I'm going to do is to go ahead and complete the transformation of our guest room into a nursery!  I know, it seems (and feels) like such a big emotional risk.  But you know, I've been low. I've been knocked down. So what!  I know God, or the universe, or whatever you want to call It, isn't going to give me more than I can handle, so I'm going to imagine, and live for, the best that can be!  DH got a $75 gift card to Pottery Barn for being at his company for 10 years, and we're taking it and buying the diaper changing topper that we want to go on the dresser, and Mom and I are going to go pick out a crib! 

You might think I'm nuts, but the decision to think of my situation this way feels SO GOOD!  And my happiness is rubbing off on DH - I don't remember the last time we were enjoying each other's company and our lives so much.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, there is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path!