Afraid

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that as my time on the Femara is winding down, it means that this really isn't going to happen for me. After this cycle, if I'm not pregnant, I only have one more cycle to try before going to the RE. I don't want to have to make that trip. I don't want to have to call my doctor who I love so much and tell him that it didn't work. I don't want to have to struggle.

My insurance doesn't cover anything past a diagnosis as far as fertility goes. We are not insanely rich, we can't afford to pay for things right now, theres no way we could afford a surgery that's not covered, treatments that aren't covered, medicine that's not covered.

I don't feel like I should have to worry about how I'm going to come up with the money to get pregnant. I guess the insurance companies don't feel like its a necessity. Who are they to decide what we do or do not need in our lives?

I'm afraid that I'm going to be mad at every pregnant girl in the world forever. I'll turn old and bitter. My friends with kids will stop calling me because I'm always so sad. My family will call me the crazy one. I'll have to get like cats, or chinchillas or something.

I'm afraid. And I'm sick of being afraid.