Are you in the mood for something taboo to read 'bout?

I just posted a new post on the new joint Blog that Plaidy and I are writing together, The Spotty Sisters.  

In an attempt to feel better about a situation that I am going through right now, I'm shouting out to all of you, my fellow TTC ladies.

Come, read, please let me know if you can relate - and hopefully with your help I can overcome this GIANT obstacle that D and I are facing.  It's getting progressively  worse as time goes on, so I really want to get a hold of it now before it's completely out of control. 

Thank you! <3

Wordless Wednesday

Cara x

CD Update & DH results

Okay, I hope you don't mind this long. But I've been meaning to write, and I'm doing this from my phone almost full time now and it's happened before where I thought I was posting here and not my normal blog, but it posted to the normal blog. And I am pretty sure my family, no matter how much they love me, doesn't want to hear about the color of my CM. Let's just hope that my phone doesn't post this on my normal blog tonight because I may cross the line into TMI tonight.

So first: DH was signed up to join a drug trial. It was to see if a normal dose of whatever it was would harm sperm at all. (Earlier tests showed it would when given 4xs the highest prescribed dose) To qualify for it he did a whole bunch of tests and blood work. Two of which were seman analysis. We got word this week that he didn't qualify and the only thing that was up in the air to us was his seman count. We don't have the results yet- I'm hoping it was something else so that we don't have to worry about that too. So I'll let you know the official diagnosis when I have it.

As for me, I'm CD 16 and about to begin the TWW. I wasn't really sure I ovulated last month as I kept having those sharp pelvic pains that I thought indicated ovulation, but they happened constantly, not just the once or even twice. Plus, no CM signs that tell me for sure. But last night after BD, as I cleaned myself up, there was more than the normal mess- there was the clumpy egg white like CM. Same for today too. Heck, as I used the bathroom in the middle night- not awake at all, I could tell what was there. Yes, I can check my CM in my sleep. (I feel like a super hero! My super power being able to check CM in any state of mind!) And trust me, it wasn't the normal stuff after BD- it was more. I am so excited that I am ovulating on my own! Clomid out of my system and I have CM. What's really amazing is that the past three weeks have been very stressful and this happens. It gives me hope and makes me realize miracles do happen. Even if they're as small as having clumpy CM and possibly ovulating when very stressed.

-Brittany (brittia23)

Opps :(

Sorry I messed up I got my blog and this blog messed up :( I am sooooooo sorry! But in case you didn't see I got my BFP Friday the 12th!!!!! We are soooo super excited!!! Baby Dust everyone!!!!

Update - CD 29

Yup, I'm late.  But the test says negative.  Now what? 

Meeting with Dr. H on Friday and supposed to get blood work done on CD 2 or 3, but kinda hard when AF hasn't shown up.  Plus need to have it done by Thursday.  Now I realize that AF could show today or tomorrow, but I have no cramps, no sore boobs, nada!  So WTF? 

Advice?

My body is a witch.

Here I was, all geared up and ready to go. I had my CBE to chart my ovulation, I had my calendar in which I was keeping track of my cycle, I had Preseed, I had it all.

Well, everything that is, except an egg.

Yeah that's right, my stupid body decided not to ovulate this month. I woke up yesterday with some tender ladies and a pissed off attitude. I've seriously been peeing on a stick for almost two weeks (and approximately 8 of those days were on the second bar so I thought I was getting close).

Now unless I magically missed this day, according to my OPK I did not ever reach the top bar, thus signifying to me that I didn't ovulate.

I'm annoyed with this, yet at the same time I'm also kind of excited (if this even makes any sense). I have my doctor's appointment on Thursday, and this is a vital piece of information he needs to know. He also needs to know that last month my cycle was 41 days and this month I'm on CD 22 and I already have AF symptoms. There is obviously something wrong.

I deeply suspect PCOS but I'm afraid he may not agree with me. I've had bloodwork done in the past, which has been normal. I've also had an abdominal ultrasound that's come back normal. I have no idea how this is possible because obviously I'm NOT normal (in more ways than one).

This month was definitely not for lack of trying. My mind was trying, my body apparently wasn't on the same page.

Question

Hi all,
This week I created a "fertility binder" of sorts for myself and Busted Kate suggested that I market it on Etsy.  Now mine is really just a binder with some organization for all our test results and bills and things of that nature, but I have already thought of a couple things to add to it and spice it up a bit.  So my question to you is:  What would you like to see in it?  (If you were looking for something to keep track of all your fertility stuff in an organized manner, what would be important to you?)

I'm thinking of putting some calendar sheets in there for whatever you want to record (BBT, meds, procedure days, etc) and my binder covers several years. 

I'm very excited to hear your thoughts and ideas.  I am not planning on having a lot of information in it as far as medical fact, maybe just happy thoughts and personal experiences.  It's mostly for organizing the mass of stuff we get through this process hopefully with some style and positivity involved.

Thanks much!
Niki

Update - take 2

Hello again...I know I just updated, but well, things have changed.  After discussion with DH about how to proceed in this process, we both agreed we need to visit Dr. H again to discuss what the next steps are and how much they will set us back.  It also occurred to me that I haven't had blood work done since 2008 and maybe things have changed!  So set up the appt to talk to Dr. H with DH next Friday and have blood work done next week when AF shows up.  Who knows the outcome, but at least we may have a plan.

When I pulled out the stack of infertility paperwork, it also occurred to me that I can't make heads or tails of it and it needs some order to it.  So I am off to the office store for some organizing...it calms me (which could explain why this whole situation makes me crazy...it is so unorganized).  Anyway, that's our news.  Will update after our chat with Dr. H.

Happy Tuesday folks!

Niki

Update

No exciting news on the home front yet...on CD 21 and nothing crazy going on.  I have started the Circle and Bloom series and really love it.  I listen right before bed and it really relaxes me.  Highly recommend it!

Discussed when we start up again with Dr. H last night with DH and decided we need a sit down with him to see where we go from here.  Will hopefully set that up today.  DH doesn't have a lot of faith in the IUI because the last 3 didn't take, and the next ones will be double the cost with the added drugs.  So need to meet with doc and determine a game plan.

That's all I got.  ;)  Happy Tuesday folks!

An Introduction and a Little Optimism

Hello, sister and brother TTCers.  This is my first post on TTC Happy Hour, so I feel a little awkward....and I thought a little introduction would be in order.  My name is Jamie, and I go by The Womb Warrior.  I'm a home manager, part-time solo business attorney, Sacramento budget events Examiner, volunteer, Greek Orthodox Christian, liberal Californian, and many other things.  I'm turning 34 in three weeks, and every once in awhile, I'm a little baffled as to how I got here.  I always thought I'd have at least two kids before I was 35.  DH and I got married at 30 and started TTC at 31.  We have moderate male factor infertility.  Of the six or so SA's DH has had, they all have low morphology, and the overall count and motility vascillate between normal and abnormal - but more often abnormal.  I started charting at the very beginning, but after almost two years of charting and having consistent ovulatory cycles, I stopped charting temps to relieve the stress. We had two IUIs last August and October, and actually got pregnant on the October IUI.  I miscarried on January 4th - it was a missed miscarriage diagnosed on December 28, but delayed because of the prog/est supp. I was on from the IUI cycle.

So, AF just showed up today, for the second time since the miscarriage.  After the m/c, we prevented for the five weeks before AF showed up.  We pretty much "relaxed" and ignored everything this last cycle.  This March cycle, we're just making sure we time BD during the fertile window.  If we still need to, we are planning on an IUI in April.

So now for some optimism: I started reading "The Secret," and watched the documentary movie with my mom today.  It talked about reframing your thoughts and feelings about what is going on in your life to the positive, so I'm working on this.  I'm imaging having the children I want in my life and in my home, instead of being afraid that they'll never come.  One of the things I'm going to do is to go ahead and complete the transformation of our guest room into a nursery!  I know, it seems (and feels) like such a big emotional risk.  But you know, I've been low. I've been knocked down. So what!  I know God, or the universe, or whatever you want to call It, isn't going to give me more than I can handle, so I'm going to imagine, and live for, the best that can be!  DH got a $75 gift card to Pottery Barn for being at his company for 10 years, and we're taking it and buying the diaper changing topper that we want to go on the dresser, and Mom and I are going to go pick out a crib! 

You might think I'm nuts, but the decision to think of my situation this way feels SO GOOD!  And my happiness is rubbing off on DH - I don't remember the last time we were enjoying each other's company and our lives so much.  As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, there is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path!

CD 2- I hate AF

This week has been so incredibally hard!Lots of crap happening. And to top it off, AF showed up last night. While at Cheesecake Factory. With friends. I had to have one friend go get my purse while I stayed locked up in the bathroom. It's made me a bit cranky. Plus I thought my husband was getting his test results yesterday- nope! Next week! Argh!!!! I think I am losing it.... I was hoping to have the results so we can figure out whether I should go back on Clomid or not by the time I did start. I'd like to be regular again. That was nice. Just hated the mood swings and hot flashes. So I guess we'll wait to get his results then decide for next month. Until then I'll deal with this awful PMS and cramps that make me want to stay in bed for the week.

All those dreams of being able to share the happy news with family next month in person with the family- gone. Crap! Crap it all! I'm going to go pout into my vanilla Dr. Pepper....

Brittany

Going it alone ?

I have no desire to ever get married, I've realised there's more to life than marriage, I don't see the point in having a peice of paper to committed someone, shouldn't you be comitted anyway ??
Of course I want a long term relationship with a decent man but I don't want to get married.

Back to the point, I know a few single mothers on Twitter and in real life, they fo amazing jobs by themselves being mum and dad. most people see singles mums as a bad thing or not as capable because there isn't a father around.I disagree, I think that a mum can be both parents, provide support love and care for a child. This got me thinking, I'd happily be a single mum and i'd actually like to be, this sounds crazy but I'm happy on my own, and if I did have a child by myself that wouldn't mean I don't a long term boyfriend, I'd still want that but I want to be a mother more. I don't mean this minute but in a couple of years if I'm still by myself, then I'd seriously consider finding a sperm donor and become a single mother.

Cara x

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/Caraax3

Hi My Name Is Melissa And I Struggle With Secondary Infertility

Hello! Let me introduce myself...
My name is Melissa but I also go by Mel. I'm new to your wonderful group of TTC ladies. I blog at Simply Mel. I'm 31, been married for 8 and 1/2 years and I live in Massachusetts. I grew up in Brazil as a missionarie's kid. I'm a Christian. And I have two beautiful daughters ages 4 and 2.

Yes, I already have two children.

So, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here! I struggle from secondary infertility. But at one time I struggled with trying to conceive my first. It took me 22 months to get pregnant with my first daughter. I thought it was never going to happen. I cried. I had tests done. And.....?

Nothing. There was nothing wrong with me. And my husband? I supported his decision to not get tested. I understood his hesitation and embarrassment over that whole procedure. So we waited. And prayed. And waited. And begged. All the while feeling that feeling that you all know so well- that every woman you know is getting pregnant except for you. Finally my miracle happened and my daughter Katelyn was conceived. It was a truly joyous occasion, made even more sweet by the struggle. I swore I would never go on the pill again. Then, when Katelyn was 13 months I got pregnant with my second daughter, Madelyn. It seemed to happen so easily. I thought that surely the first struggle had been a fluke. I had been "trying" too hard. Stressing too much over it. I thought my conceiving issues were over. Since I've always wanted four children we started trying to conceive when Madelyn was 11 months old. Several months after that my sister and two cousins announced they were pregnant and due in the summer of 2009. I smiled to myself and thought " Oh, how fun! We'll all have babies together!". A few months after that several more friends announced they were pregnant. I thought- "Hmm..I'd better get on the ball and whip out that ovulation predictor kit.". Several more months went by and my sister and cousins had their babies. I still wasn't pregnant. Then my friends went on to have their babies.

And I still wasn't pregnant.

Now almost 20 months later a new round of friends are announcing pregnancies and having babies. In fact, one of my friends announced their joyous news today on Facebook! Number 3 for her!
Aaahh...Facebook.... the kryptonite of TTC and women struggling with fertility issues!


Back to my secondary infertility.

Secondary infertility is the inability to get pregnant the second or more times after successfully conceiving the first time. I didn't even know that term existed until recently. It's also more common that you'd think. Sometimes the inability to conceive the second or third time around is for the same reason that primary infertility couples suffer. Sometimes it's not. Many women who struggle with SI also struggle with guilt. Guilt about wanting more children. Guilt with feeling the number of children they have is not enough. Guilt over complaining about their struggle when there are so many women struggling to conceive their first. I have plenty of guilt to go around.
I've been told many times that I should be thankful for the children I have (which I am. Very much so.) and that at least I have children (I understand that sentiment!). When I was TTC for the first time a "friend" actually told me I should stop talking and crying about it at Bible study because there were women there who were single and longing for a husband and at least I had that! (We're not friends anymore...).

The struggle to conceive is a very personal, very emotional and very hard struggle. My desire to have more children is not less valid because I already have children. Opening up about TTC is a very humbling thing to do. It puts us in a very vulnerable position. After all, we're women. Our bodies were designed to be fertile and produce babies and when our body doesn't comply we feel as if it has betrayed us. I recently opened up on my blog for the first time about struggling to get pregnant with my third. Not even my mom knew. We all thought that whole thing was part of the past. Then I put it out there. I felt good but I also felt like I was exposing a raw wound. It also became the elephant in the room. I started getting "the look" from others when someone announced they were pregnant. Since I wrote about my struggle to conceive this time around countless women have announced they were pregnant. And every time someone announces they're pregnant or gives birth I get my period. No... really!!!!

My blog now has a TTC/Fertility category and a "Secondary Infertility" category. I've started reading more blogs (like this one) trying to connect with women who are struggling with TTC. I blog mainly about life but I also want to include more about my struggle. I don't know where I'm going from here. I've had blood work done and everything is ok. Aunt Flo comes like clock work every month. I've never had problems in that area. I had a vaginal ultrasound (Wandy!-lol) a few months ago and they found a cyst on my right ovary. I hear it's pretty common and my nurse practitioner wants me to come back after two cycles (which is now) to see if it went away on it's own. Other than that, there's nothing wrong with me as far as we can tell. So I'll keep on keeping on. Trying to not make that the main focus of my days. Enjoying the abundant blessings God has already given me. And I'll keep praying and asking God to provide me with another child and having faith that He knows what He's doing!


My heart aches and my heart breaks for you ladies struggling to conceive the first time. I will keep you all in my prayers and pray the Lord blesses you with that miracle baby like He did for me.


Thank you for taking the time to read my story and putting up with my long post. It's great to be here.


Melissa @ Simply Mel