Afraid

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that as my time on the Femara is winding down, it means that this really isn't going to happen for me. After this cycle, if I'm not pregnant, I only have one more cycle to try before going to the RE. I don't want to have to make that trip. I don't want to have to call my doctor who I love so much and tell him that it didn't work. I don't want to have to struggle.

My insurance doesn't cover anything past a diagnosis as far as fertility goes. We are not insanely rich, we can't afford to pay for things right now, theres no way we could afford a surgery that's not covered, treatments that aren't covered, medicine that's not covered.

I don't feel like I should have to worry about how I'm going to come up with the money to get pregnant. I guess the insurance companies don't feel like its a necessity. Who are they to decide what we do or do not need in our lives?

I'm afraid that I'm going to be mad at every pregnant girl in the world forever. I'll turn old and bitter. My friends with kids will stop calling me because I'm always so sad. My family will call me the crazy one. I'll have to get like cats, or chinchillas or something.

I'm afraid. And I'm sick of being afraid.

Update From Ana

I have not posted on here in a while. My life went from not much going on and a lot of waiting to very busy.
My DH and I went through our first IVF cycle this past month. We found out Monday that we are pregnant. YAY! A BFP. Also, today is my Birthday. What a great week it has been. Hope all is well with all of you.

Frustrated- Just Frustrated

It's been a while since I've written on here. But as I am needing someplace to go before I go crazy, I'm here.

I'm feeling a bit mad and frustrated because I am so tired of each month getting a BFN. I'm 11DPO and part of me has my hopes up. Cramps each day and over the top sore boobs for the past 11 days is just a little out of the ordinary for me. But I hate that as I get my hopes up, I dash them immediately afterwards. I can't stand to let myself get my hopes up.

I really need to schedule to go see a doctor, maybe even just go to my previous doctor just so I don't have to wait for months on end to become a new patient elsewhere. He was good, just not very aggressive. Which is something I want. Last time I went, almost a year ago, he wanted me to get an HSG and David to get a SA. We haven't had the money to do it since insurance doesn't cover it. So I'm a wimp because I don't want him asking about it. But we'd do it this time because now we've ruled out some possibilities ourselves.

I'm just a frustrated gal with hope brewing that maybe this could be our month.