Scared to Pee

Okay gals... I'm going crazy!!!!! And I'm hoping by posting this I'll jinx myself into AF coming and I'll know for sure. That's right, she's late. I was to start on Wednesday. This is Friday. I thought I've felt her coming, but nope not yet. I've even put on pads- just in case. (It would be too embarrassing to show an investor, AF come, and have blood all over me. Better to be safe.) I am an emotional wreck. I keep going to the bathroom expecting to see her, but don't. I would be ecstatic if this were IT, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to take a test from fear of seeing a negative. Here is my list of oddities and the HOWEVERs. Help!

1- Absence of acne. Usually my forehead and chest are covered with acne right before I start. I found one pimple today on my cheek. That's all. Got nothing for that.
2- Cramps. I cramped a week to 2 weeks ago and now only have it when my bladder is full or I'm hungry. However, this has happened before. Just not so rare before AF comes.
3- Nose. I am smelling so much again! It hasn't been like this since I got the Clomid completely out of my system. However, it could be my body tricking me- again.
4- Boobs. My boobs started really hurting 2 days ago. Tight bras help thankfully. Hasn't been like this once again since I got the Clomid out of my system. However, it is a PMS symptom.
5- Late. I'm late. I'm never late. Had thick CM on CD 17. So should have ovulated on CD 19. POAS somewhere around there, both lines were the same color so ovulated like the next day I assume. On CD 36 today. Do the math, it's off. However, I was sick so it may have thrown it off. However, I remember reading in Taking Charge of Your Fertility that being sick only throws off your ovulation, not the luteal phase. If I still ovulated around the same time, doesn't that mean I should start at the same time? I am so scared to pee right now. I'm scared I'll see red and I'm scared I won't.
Help? Please?