After all the waiting..

Drum roll please !!!

AF showed up on Friday!!!! I was so happy. I mean happy, I've been waiting so long and worrying my head off. I was having pre-AF symptoms on Thursday so I knew AF was coming. Then on friday she showed up! My periods are never easy and this one is no different, I got AWFUL cramps but I can live with that, I'm just happy that it showed up.

I have an app on my iPod called period tracker and when I opened it to mark my period staring I got this lol






Posted from my iPod touch.

Where is AF !?!?

I'm going bonkers. Bonkers I tell you! I have tried everything to get things 'going', ginger,parsley tea, herbs. All manner of strange things that are supposed to do the job. I got no pre-AF signs. Diddly squat.

This is where I'm at, I use 2 apps on my iPod touch so I've got both pictures :)










Posted from my iPod touch.

Breaking from TTC

Matt and I had a long conversation last night. One of the things we discussed was taking a TTC break. Not because we want to but because emotionally I need it. I have the mind set of let go and let God. Now we aren't going to do any form or birth control so if it happens naturally then great!!! But for now, if it doesn't I have got to focus on getting in better health. I need to get my weight back under control and start mentally andemotionally preparing for the long road to baby. Which I think I am going to name my blog. In the long run, whether I get pregnant now or later, my child will be brought into being through less stress and better health for both of us. I have also decided to go ahead and go to grad school. The way I get the bulk of my schooling done so that when baby does come, I'll be able to devote every minute to him or her!!! If you have any comments or suggestions please feel free to tell me!!! Also I would like to know if anyone else has taken the break and wat they are doing/ did and the benefits!! Thanks sincerely!!!

CD200, waiting and waiting.

Yup, I'm now cycle day 200. My last period was January 13th. No signs of AF turning up anytime soon either. This whole 'sit and wait for it' plan is a pile of crap but I got no choice, so I'm waiting.


Posted from my iPod touch.

Paging Dr. TTC Gals

I really wish I had insurance right now. Not just so we can try to do some baby making and not worry about the money side of things, but I have some issues that I want to talk to a doctor about. But as I don't have one, I'll ask y'all- who have more experience in the TTC world than anybody should have.

First off, I'm not very worried for the moment since I can't do anything about it, but I found some dried blood in my CM this month and it hit me that it's been that way for the past couple months. So I'm worried about it, but nothing I can do right now. Any suggestions would help.

My second thing, which I am much more concerned about namely because it's affecting me right now. I am 6dpo and since Friday I have had horrible cramps. It was my whole pelvic area, now it's where my right ovary is. Tylenol helps for a little while, but the pain won't fully go away. Yesterday it woke me up in the night it was so bad. I hate these. I may just be paging Dr. Google here soon- yes, that extreme. So... Help? Suggestions? Money to go see a doctor?

Been a long time + cycle update

I have a been a bad blogger :( my last post was fathers day !! It's July now so I have no excuses.

Not a lot has really happened. I'm still going to the gym, so that's really good. I haven't lost tons of weight, but I'm going by how I feel more than the scales right now.

The other day I got a letter from the hospital I was referred to saying that the questionnaire you have to fill in to see a bariatric surgeon wasn't done properly, Dr.R was meant to have done this properly. It's not difficult, a child could do it. I was meant to go see her about it but there's no way I'm ever going to her again. So now I'm seeing a new doctor, (I'll call him Dr.S) I'm a bit apprehensive about seeing him because he's a male doctor, I've always had an intense fear of male doctors, no idea why but I have. he looked after my dad when he was dying from cancer so he knows me,hopefully because he knows me it wont be to bad. All I want is this questionnaire filling in properly, if the surgeon won't do anything then that's his choice. Dr.R has nothing to do with it. They also sent me a copy of a letter she sent them that said I was lazy and I had an attitude problem so I didn't deserve their help. That pissed me off. So I'm seeing Dr.S on thursday to try and get this questionnaire thing done.

In other news, I'm now at CD177. Yeah, it's not good. Due to the evil cow Dr.R, I have no choice but to struggle it out. I worry about this a lot. I worry about the risks of cancer and the long term problems that may arise from my unhealthy cycles. I don't see how any doctor can view cycles lasting this long as normal. It's definitely bad. I will try and mention it to new Dr.S and see what he says. If he won't help then I don't know what I'm going to do. They won't refer me to anyone because I'm not TTC and because of my age. I'll just have to see.

Until next time I hope everyone has a great weekend and a special good luck to PCOSchick who is braving niagra falls !


Cara x

Happy Tears Today

I've been crying for the past 20 minutes today, but for once it was happy tears. I have 2 neices and a nephew, Jamie will be 7 in Januaryand he was adopted when he was 3, Jessica will be 4 in December, she was adopted when she was 1, my youngest neice Olivia was taken away from my sister at birth. She was adopted at 6 months old.

Jamie and Jessica were adopted by a young couple. Olivia sadly isn't with the same family because they didn't want a young baby. She's with a different family now. Because of the circumstances surrounding the adoption, we last saw jessica when she was 7 months old. And jamie was 2.

The children were taken off my sister because she's a bad mum, she has severe mental health problems and wasn't looking after them properly, we tried to adopt the children, but with the circumstances we knew that having the kids living with us would be a bad idea, my sister wouldn't have left us alone.

Today the paternal grandfather of the children brought us a picture of them ! They are truly beautiful children and even though seeing the picture makes me miss them, I'm glad we've got it. They are growing up into gorgeous children.

I'll be getting a picture up soon, but I have to be careful because my sister doesn't know we have the picture and I can't risk her finding my blog. I'll be putting it up as a wordless Wednesday later.


Cara x

Who's the most underrated actor?

Vincent Irizarry. *swoon*

Ask me anything

Happy Fathers Day

In Our Hearts

We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.

Happy Fathers day Dad, I just wish that you were here to see the woman I've become. I love you dad.

Cycle Day 162

Just writing a quick post for now. I'm currently on CD162 and counting, I'm going insane and I'm getting pissed off, I know the whole 'lose weight and it will come talk' but that's not quite the point. This is getting seriously unfair now. My last cycle was 69 days and this one has gone double that. Because of my evil old doctor I have ZERO chance of getting any help with this problem.

According to her, women who go on the contraceptive implant or other forms don't have periods, so apparently it's ok that I don't. Unless I'm missing something (which I'm not), I'm on NO form of bc WHATSOEVER. So her theory doesn't really apply to me does it ? No. So that's why I'm stuck with the waiting game of just waiting for it to 'pop up'

I apologise for my craziness but I think I have every right to be angry and pissed off.


Cara x

I've got a couple of scheduled posts coming, but I'll start writing some more tomorrow.

My fitness programme.

Now I'm at a different gym I've got a brand new programme which i'm gonna tell you all about now :)

I do 2.4 miles of cycling.
I do 1.2 miles of walking on the treadmill in 20mins so I walk REALLY fast !
I then do 10 minutes on the cross trainer on the fat burn workout programme.
That's it for cardio but that's pretty good.

Then I do loads of weights !
30 ab crunches.
30 bicep curls.
30 dumbell lifts.
30 chest press exercises.
30 back exercises.
90 seconds on the powerplate doing Squats.
90 seconds on the powerplate doing lunges.
(the powerplate is hard work !)

That's my workout, it's really hard work but I'm hoping it all pays off soon :)


Cara x

Scared to Pee

Okay gals... I'm going crazy!!!!! And I'm hoping by posting this I'll jinx myself into AF coming and I'll know for sure. That's right, she's late. I was to start on Wednesday. This is Friday. I thought I've felt her coming, but nope not yet. I've even put on pads- just in case. (It would be too embarrassing to show an investor, AF come, and have blood all over me. Better to be safe.) I am an emotional wreck. I keep going to the bathroom expecting to see her, but don't. I would be ecstatic if this were IT, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I don't want to take a test from fear of seeing a negative. Here is my list of oddities and the HOWEVERs. Help!

1- Absence of acne. Usually my forehead and chest are covered with acne right before I start. I found one pimple today on my cheek. That's all. Got nothing for that.
2- Cramps. I cramped a week to 2 weeks ago and now only have it when my bladder is full or I'm hungry. However, this has happened before. Just not so rare before AF comes.
3- Nose. I am smelling so much again! It hasn't been like this since I got the Clomid completely out of my system. However, it could be my body tricking me- again.
4- Boobs. My boobs started really hurting 2 days ago. Tight bras help thankfully. Hasn't been like this once again since I got the Clomid out of my system. However, it is a PMS symptom.
5- Late. I'm late. I'm never late. Had thick CM on CD 17. So should have ovulated on CD 19. POAS somewhere around there, both lines were the same color so ovulated like the next day I assume. On CD 36 today. Do the math, it's off. However, I was sick so it may have thrown it off. However, I remember reading in Taking Charge of Your Fertility that being sick only throws off your ovulation, not the luteal phase. If I still ovulated around the same time, doesn't that mean I should start at the same time? I am so scared to pee right now. I'm scared I'll see red and I'm scared I won't.
Help? Please?

Cycle Update

I haven't updated in a while so I thought I should do that. I'm on CD 33- supposed to be CD 1. The day still isn't over, so we'll see. Although my cycles are fairly regular, I hate that they are so long. I had strep throat this month, so my cycle's probably all thrown off. I did actually POAS earlier in the month and it appears I actually did ovulate- being sick, stressed, and all. I figured since we haven't gotten pregnant naturally I didn't need to worry when I started taking penicillin and vicodin. But now I'm like- I hope we're okay! Funny thing is that the penicillin said that it would make birth control ineffective. Now we haven't been on BC in forever it seems, so didn't have to worry. But wouldn't that be funny if that's what worked? Penicillin & Vicodin to get pregnant! I'll let you know.

But really, I am trying not to get my hopes up in any way. Yes, I had cramping a week ago and only very very little since then (which I usually cramp way bad a day or 2 before hand). And yes I've had very little acne this cycle. And yes I feel like an emotional wreck. But I'm not thinking about it. Look- I've thought myself up a cramp! See? Not prego. *Maybe the reverse psychology will work...*

On another note- my brother-in-law/sister-in-law who got married in April went off birth control when it made her hormonally crazy and found out they are accidentally pregnant. By the way- nobody steals my crown of hormonally crazy in this family! (I guess we'll see about that with her pregnant...) So that's been a bit of an adjustment. I'm going to try to write about it *very delicately* on my blog. I've got some thoughts, but I just need to present them carefully since my Mother-in-law reads it. But I really do feel that they need to be said- just put in the thoughtful manner it needs. Any suggestions would be great. But check it out when I'm done- I'll tweet it, so keep an eye out.

Brittany

Testing After Recurrent Miscarriage

OK, ladies. I'm posting this for 2 reasons. 1) I know there are several of you that have experience with this testing and may be able to either decipher some of it for me and/or have opinions on what's on it and what's missing, from your experience, and 2) Some of you who haven't had this experience might be curious about it.

I received my lab order today for all the testing the RE wants me to do in an effort to find the cause of my two early miscarriages. The weirdest part to me is that it includes an HSG (hysterosalpingogram), but I have a good one on file from a year and a half ago. Why they want another one is going on my list of questions to ask when I call them next week. (I can't take the tests for 6 weeks from the miscarriage, so I have time.)

Here are the others:

Blood Tests

CBC with differential (automated)
Comprehensive metabolic panel (aka Chem 20 panel)
Prolactin (fasting)
TSH
Antithrombin III Activity
Cardiolipin AB Wireflex to ID titer (aka Anticardiolipin Ab (IgG/IgM)
Factor II activity (prothrombin 20210A mutation)
Factor V (Leiden) Mutation
Fasting Homocysteine level, Plasma
Lupus Anticoagulant Evaluation
Phosphatidylserine antibodies (aka AntiPhosphoSerine Ab (IgG/IgM))
Plasminogen Activator Inhib (PAI-1)
Protein C-Activity
Protein S-Activity

Cervical Cultures
Routine aerobic (I am wondering what this is, because it's so vague-sounding)
Mycoplasma/Ureaplasma

That pretty much covers it. Please, share any thoughts. And thanks. =)

Starting to make this more real...

So I decided that even though I dont have insurance, I am going to start goign to all these visits anyway. I found an OB GYN that hopefully wont tell me Im just fat!! And I found an RE that seems like theyll be great! I am going to make this my year for a baby! I cant wait until Matt and I can finally say hey! We are a family! I need to ask a ? I have always said I wanted more than one child. But after everything I have struggled for, I would settle for one. Is it selfish to give up after one child??


Trying Tiff <3