Hi My Name Is Melissa And I Struggle With Secondary Infertility

Hello! Let me introduce myself...
My name is Melissa but I also go by Mel. I'm new to your wonderful group of TTC ladies. I blog at Simply Mel. I'm 31, been married for 8 and 1/2 years and I live in Massachusetts. I grew up in Brazil as a missionarie's kid. I'm a Christian. And I have two beautiful daughters ages 4 and 2.

Yes, I already have two children.

So, you're probably wondering what I'm doing here! I struggle from secondary infertility. But at one time I struggled with trying to conceive my first. It took me 22 months to get pregnant with my first daughter. I thought it was never going to happen. I cried. I had tests done. And.....?

Nothing. There was nothing wrong with me. And my husband? I supported his decision to not get tested. I understood his hesitation and embarrassment over that whole procedure. So we waited. And prayed. And waited. And begged. All the while feeling that feeling that you all know so well- that every woman you know is getting pregnant except for you. Finally my miracle happened and my daughter Katelyn was conceived. It was a truly joyous occasion, made even more sweet by the struggle. I swore I would never go on the pill again. Then, when Katelyn was 13 months I got pregnant with my second daughter, Madelyn. It seemed to happen so easily. I thought that surely the first struggle had been a fluke. I had been "trying" too hard. Stressing too much over it. I thought my conceiving issues were over. Since I've always wanted four children we started trying to conceive when Madelyn was 11 months old. Several months after that my sister and two cousins announced they were pregnant and due in the summer of 2009. I smiled to myself and thought " Oh, how fun! We'll all have babies together!". A few months after that several more friends announced they were pregnant. I thought- "Hmm..I'd better get on the ball and whip out that ovulation predictor kit.". Several more months went by and my sister and cousins had their babies. I still wasn't pregnant. Then my friends went on to have their babies.

And I still wasn't pregnant.

Now almost 20 months later a new round of friends are announcing pregnancies and having babies. In fact, one of my friends announced their joyous news today on Facebook! Number 3 for her!
Aaahh...Facebook.... the kryptonite of TTC and women struggling with fertility issues!


Back to my secondary infertility.

Secondary infertility is the inability to get pregnant the second or more times after successfully conceiving the first time. I didn't even know that term existed until recently. It's also more common that you'd think. Sometimes the inability to conceive the second or third time around is for the same reason that primary infertility couples suffer. Sometimes it's not. Many women who struggle with SI also struggle with guilt. Guilt about wanting more children. Guilt with feeling the number of children they have is not enough. Guilt over complaining about their struggle when there are so many women struggling to conceive their first. I have plenty of guilt to go around.
I've been told many times that I should be thankful for the children I have (which I am. Very much so.) and that at least I have children (I understand that sentiment!). When I was TTC for the first time a "friend" actually told me I should stop talking and crying about it at Bible study because there were women there who were single and longing for a husband and at least I had that! (We're not friends anymore...).

The struggle to conceive is a very personal, very emotional and very hard struggle. My desire to have more children is not less valid because I already have children. Opening up about TTC is a very humbling thing to do. It puts us in a very vulnerable position. After all, we're women. Our bodies were designed to be fertile and produce babies and when our body doesn't comply we feel as if it has betrayed us. I recently opened up on my blog for the first time about struggling to get pregnant with my third. Not even my mom knew. We all thought that whole thing was part of the past. Then I put it out there. I felt good but I also felt like I was exposing a raw wound. It also became the elephant in the room. I started getting "the look" from others when someone announced they were pregnant. Since I wrote about my struggle to conceive this time around countless women have announced they were pregnant. And every time someone announces they're pregnant or gives birth I get my period. No... really!!!!

My blog now has a TTC/Fertility category and a "Secondary Infertility" category. I've started reading more blogs (like this one) trying to connect with women who are struggling with TTC. I blog mainly about life but I also want to include more about my struggle. I don't know where I'm going from here. I've had blood work done and everything is ok. Aunt Flo comes like clock work every month. I've never had problems in that area. I had a vaginal ultrasound (Wandy!-lol) a few months ago and they found a cyst on my right ovary. I hear it's pretty common and my nurse practitioner wants me to come back after two cycles (which is now) to see if it went away on it's own. Other than that, there's nothing wrong with me as far as we can tell. So I'll keep on keeping on. Trying to not make that the main focus of my days. Enjoying the abundant blessings God has already given me. And I'll keep praying and asking God to provide me with another child and having faith that He knows what He's doing!


My heart aches and my heart breaks for you ladies struggling to conceive the first time. I will keep you all in my prayers and pray the Lord blesses you with that miracle baby like He did for me.


Thank you for taking the time to read my story and putting up with my long post. It's great to be here.


Melissa @ Simply Mel