Breaking News

I DO NOT have Turners Syndrome. The RE then said it must be something autoimmune (does that make since). I am not exactly sure what that means. RE also told me to keep taking the DHEA pills and she would see us in August. Then I called my DH and he said no stop taking the DHEA right now. I asked why he said the back label said not to take them if you have an autoimmune problem. So, I have no idea where we stand right now. I am utterly confused right now. No, turners, which is a big fat YAY. However i don't know if we need a donor egg or what we are doing. DH and I are going to talk when he gets home from work. 

Cycle Check In

Hello All!

I feels so out of the loop as of late, so I thought I would initiate a cycle check in. I know this hasn't been done in a while, just wanted to see where everyone is so we can give support where it is needed. Feel free to post in the comments, if you'd like, where you are in your cycle/journey.

Looking forward to hearing from you all,
Em

To or Not To.(Lengthy)

Well, today my DH and I went to see our RE. The results of the HSG, Ultrasound, and Sonohysterogram were good no problems there. Then we moved onto the blood work results and everything went downhill real fast, like a roller coaster. The RE was looking at everything and kept saying everything was good and normal. Then it happened she said "OH, OH, OH. We are going to have to talk about that". Then kept reading the results. 


She finally came back to why she kept saying "Oh, Oh, Oh". It turns out that my FSH level is 32. I am perimenopausal. That means I have no eggs and so yeah. However the RE did give use a prescription for DHEA which could lower my FSH level and could possible make it low enough where we could try and grow me an egg, I guess.


The RE also told us that I might have something called Turner Syndrome. It is a chromosomal disorder. It means I only have one X or I have two but one X is incomplete. I could also pass it onto my daughter. Which means she could be infertile and/or have a heart problem. Turner can also cause the lining of your aortic valve to be thin. Which means it could break and I could die. I will find out within the next week if I definitely have Turner Syndrome or not.


I will be taking these DHEA pills until we find out. If I do then we will be getting a donor egg, I do not want to pass this on. If not, then we will take these DHEA pills for three months and hope for a period. If I get a period then I get my FSH level checked again and pray for it to be around 15. If no period then donor egg it is.


I suppose on another good point my husbands sperm is awesome. His stats were:

His Sperm Concentration: 39 million per ml

Expected: 20 million per ml

His Motility: 56%

Expected: 50%

His Morphology: Unknown Exact Number But Higher Than 5

Expected: 5%

That is where everything stood at the end of our doc appointment. Our follow up is tentatively scheduled for August 19th, 2010. 

Now, I just need to vent for a minute. I called to tell my sister what the doc said (she is like my mom, I moved in with her when I was like 12). Well, I told her and she kept saying:

 "Why don't you just adopt then"

 "Do you want to chance passing that on" 

"You should look on the bright side" 

"With your personality would you be ok with your DH being blood related to the baby and not you" 

"Everything happens for a reason, etc."

"I know how you feel"

Then to make matters worse her daughter, who is 18yrs old, walked and my sister told her everything. After the update my niece said:

"Well, look on the bright side" 

"You could always adopt"

Grrrr. 

1. I know there is a bright side but seriously just let me cry for a while. 

2. I know I can adopt.

3. No, I don't want to pass infertility onto my daughter. 

4. HELLO I just want to be pregnant.

5. Why do I have to adopt?

6. Why can't you just be supportive of us getting a donor egg?

Ugh that is how I feel in a nut shell to what they said. 

As you can imagine I am overwhelmed with feelings and I crying. Thank goodness for my awesome DH. 

He said we will do whatever I wish. I just want to get through the next two or three days. Next week when we find out if I definitely have Turner Syndrome I will let everyone know. 

Story Time!

Story time! Got a headache yesterday and it's continued on through today. And with that came nausea. Not fun. So I get a call from a roving manager coming to help me out, she was stopping to get food and wanted to see if I wanted anything. I decline and she asks "Are you not eating today?" I let her know I was feeling kinda nauseous so no, I was not. First question is the obvious- "Are you pregnant?" No, duh! But whatever. She doesn't know about our struggles.

So she can only cover for me for a couple of hours and I come up to try to work after resting for a few hours and our 2 maintenance guys are in the office with her. "What's wrong with you? You sick?" Duh again! Told them headache and nausea. "You're pregnant!!!!" No, I'm not. They kept insisting. I kept insisting. Finally I said "We've been trying for 2 years and nothing- I'm not pregnant." They insisted some more with the crap of 'you never know, you have been married for a while'. I then said "No, I just had my period." Poor ignorant people, "you can have 20 periods and be pregnant." No, no you can't. I didn't explain it to them. I didn't have the energy. I went home and rested for a couple more hours and now back for an hour. And hallelujah for that! But really, it was all in humor and I could only laugh at their ignorance...

Hope in a jar

Update From Yesterday

I do not understand people sometimes.

Nakita was very shocked and hurt that I was avoiding her today. She could not believe that what she said could/would/did upset me. She then proceeded to tell me that I was over reacting and over sensitive.

I was so overwhelmed with emotions, both good and bad, that I had to walk away from her. I mean seriously what kind of person doesn't realize that when you really want to be a mom that infertility is a struggle. You are always emotionally strained, you always worry, and you are in an almost never ending waiting game (or so it seems).

I will NEVER be friends with that woman. I can barely sit in a meeting with her. Ugh.

On a brighter note. Tomorrow is DH and my anniversary. Thursday is our appointment with our RE. We will get our test results and we will find out our next step.

Also, you can now comment on my blog.

My Roughest Monday in Long Time

Ok. I suppose I will start at the beginning, I need to provide some back story.

If I am close with you I am usually open with the fact that I have a fertility problem. If not, I usually keep it to myself.

That being said I started working at a new school four months ago. I had told one girl (we will call her Gummie) I work with that I (well we) are going through this and such. I only told Gummie is cause she asked what was going on with me, why all the appointments. Also, Gummie and I have started hanging out socially too. Anyway, moving on.

So, today one of my other female coworkers (we will call her Nakita) asked why I had been out so much last week. Apparently she heard I went home Friday cause I was having severe abdominal pain. I simply told her I had a test done that had some side effects. Then she kept digging and digging. I realized she wasn't going to stop until I told her.

Therefore I told her that I had a fertility problem. Also that my DH and I were seeking the help of a RE. After I told Nakita that she processed to go off on me. So, freaked the F@#$ out. "Why don't you just adopt? Do you know what you are doing to your body? You are going to get cancer. Your baby will be deformed. You could/should adopt. Do you know there are babies waiting to be adopted? What kind of people are you? All these hormones are awful for you. Why IVF? Is all of this even worth it?" And she just kept going on and on and on.

It was awful. I mean I haven't ever had anyone say that to me that before. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or punch her in the face. What is wrong with her? What kind of person says that to someone? I told her that we wanted a baby that was part of us and that we want to adopt in the future. Which is the truth. I also told her that we do not know for a fact that we are going to do IVF. We are going to find out some new news this week. Plus, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs " OF COURSE IT IS WORTH IT". All I want in this world it to be married to my DH forever and have a baby together.

Lastly, Nakita said that if she was infertile she would never do IVF or IUI or take hormones or any of this stuff. At that point I wanted to yell at her "YOU ARE NOT INFERTILE" Also, I mean you cannot (in my opinion) say that if....that you would never..... You cannot say that you would or wouldn't unless you are in the situation yourself. Ugh.

Well, that was it. Thank you for listening.

Hello...I have not dropped off the planet!

Hi folks,
I'm still here...just kind of quiet lately.  I check in and see how everyone is doing, but currently we are on an extended break.  No health issues, just need to relax a bit because I have something else stressful in my life going on at the moment....another test for work.  A huge test for work!  I posted a blog about it this morning.  We're also a little toasted on all this stuff, so we're just hanging out.

Hope all is well and even though you don't see me,
I'm here!

Nikus
www.nikusroad.blogspot.com

Evil Dr.R and me

I'm beginning to really hate my doctor. When I say hate, I mean hate, not dislike, HATE. She is such a cow ! And I will tell you why.

On saturday I had an appintment with her. It was to talk about coming off orlistat and to push her into listening to me about surgery. She weighed me and I lost half a pound but even she agreed me not wanting to eat has done that. So she said about the last option being surgery, I agreed with her and said I'd done my research and I wanted to see a surgeon about a gastric band. Well let's just say she wasn't happy. She lectured me about how she was against it and how just changing my eating habits would work. I wouldn't have been there if eating a salad wouldve made everything dandy ! So eventually she said ok but she was rude ! Saying 'your the patient, it's your perogative' now i understand that everyone has varying opinions but I believe that if you choose to be a doctor then you should understand that you can't always have your own way. So after all the rudeness and slamming the door in my face, I'm finally halfway there, I had a blood test today (which has bruised the heck out of me !) and I get the results on Friday, when we have to fill out a questionnaire that the surgeon will want to see but hopefully after that I won't have to see her again FX.

That's where I'm up to now. I've got a long road ahead but hopefully I'll get there, lose weight and be healthy and happy.

Cycle update: CD123, zero signs of AF or anything for that matter.

P.s I know they're differing opinions on weight loss surgery but I'd appreciate it if people with nasty things to say didn't say them. I welcome all comments as long as they aren't nasty, I'm nor saying no one can say their opinion, if you don't agree then say so, I'm open to constructive comments.


Cara x

Broken- CD1

CD1- The wicked witch in red showed up this evening. Like I said earlier this morning, it's a good thing since I have no insurance at the moment- but I still was hoping. It was a challenge I was willing to take on. So here are my thoughts:

I was once again was so sure it would happen this month. It hadn't happened in the best of circumstances so I figured maybe in the worst it would. I also knew when I was ovulating and unplanned, we BD that day. Now I know all signs of former birth control and Clomid is out of my system. My periods are back to the way they were before I stared birth control those many years ago. So I thought with all that, we were going all natural- not preventing, no ovulation stimulators, nothing- I figured it may just work. And it didn't.

Is all of this making sense? I am relieved because of the insurance, but I also feel broken. If we did everything we were supposed to, why didn't it work?You'd think I'd stop asking these questions after two years. I hate being so sure and it not working.

We've decided that once insurance kicks in we are going to find me a new doctor (know of a good GYN in Phoenix?) get the HSG done, and the SA- where we actually get the results, and then stop there. But we had also decided to just focus on moving back to GA, and that's not happening so maybe we will focus on TTC.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm just feeling a little broken and slightly discouraged and fearful of actually going through those tests. Thanks for the listen ladies. I'm so grateful for each of you!

Help!

Quick vent before I go to work. Was 98% sure that AF was to show up yesterday. Had the cramps and everything and didn't show up. Then realize I'm supposed to start TODAY. Holy crap! Emotions are all over the place now.

I think I'm going to go crazy waiting today. A large part of me really wants to be pregnant. I just really want this and don't know if I can handle AF right now. But then we can't get pregnant right now- we have no insurance for a couple of months.

My emotions feel so fragile right now and want a good cry, then I'll be fine. But I have to go to work. Help! Sanity would be nice please.

-Brittany

Another Newbie

Hi everyone, my name is Jonelle (In The Middle With You) and my husband's name is Michael. We have been TTC for about 6 years. We did treatments for the last two years consisting of 4 cycles of Clomid and 4 cycles of injectable IUIs.

This past August our last cycle with IUI ended in an early miscarriage. We were offered another cycle, but emotionally and financially we were done with treatments. Michael felt it was time to move on to other options of building a family. I was done too, but I needed help to help me move on and mourn our dream children. So I guess I'm part of the "were at one time TTC" club.

We decided that counselling would be a good idea for us to help us greive before we moved on to domestic infant adoption.

Right now, Michael and I haven't decided on an agency yet. Once he is out of school (he is the Academic Dean at a local Bible college) then we will both be able to focus on what we need to do.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of a great community. I hope I can be a source of support to everyone here.

I'm out

Hi ladies,
Just a quick note...I did come out (after Kate did) and it felt great.  The support was awesome and I feel lighter now.  Like infertility isn't a dirty little secret anymore!  As for my cycle, all I know is AF is due on Thursday, or Friday or Saturday.  What can I say, vacation made me relax and I'm not really counting things right now...days, drinks...calories!  YIKES!  But at least it's fun! 

Check out my blog this week for vacation pics and a really great on on Saturday - trust me, you will drool!  Keep quiet Kate...just cause you know, you can't tell!

Niki
www.nikusroad.blogspot.com

Did You "Come Out"?

Hello fabulous ladies:  I just wanted to check in with everyone and see how you are doing.  Where are you in your cycle?  Trying anything new this month?

Also, how was your National Infertility Awareness Week last week... did you "come out"?

And finally... Mother's Day is this weekend.  Fortunately it's also a regular "happy hour" day, if anyone needs to freak... we'll all be here to support you!

Yes, in still alive!

I have been a terrible blogger ! I think my last week was about 10 days ago.

I haven't really blogged because basically I've had nothing to say. Now we all know I'm very vocal in my opinions but whenever I've sat down to write a post the past week, my mind has gone blank.

In the last days, not a lot has happened. When I say boring I mean it, no drama no nothing, it's actually been quite nice not having anything bad happening. The only news I have is that I got a bike :) I got a good one so I can use it regular and hopefully use it to help with weight loss.

So as mentioned I have nothing to say so I'm just gonna write a 'life update' to keep everything up to date for you all.

*life update*

Ok,so I'm still on orlistat, not taking 3 a day coz they make me ill but i'm trying. Doctor still says no go on the treatment front for the pcos, just lose weight. So the goal is to lose loads of weight so I can get some meds soon !!

'thankyou for listening everyone, I appreciate it a lot !'


Cara x